Clean Slate Advice Wanted

[Dauphne]

I posted this at 1:23 today:
Here I am - confused and hurt and angry and tired. Don't know if I want to move into another bedroom, my mom's house, or stay in my marital bedroom. I am 40 yrs old and in my third marriage. I know how much divorce hurts everyone involved - esp. children. I very much want to avoid a divorce. My husband works, doesn't drink or cheat. We've gone to relationship and marriage classes at churches, MC, and he has been in a DV class the last 4 months. He is trying so hard, and I feel so angry. What's my problem? How much of all this is me not seeing how things really are, and how much of it is? That is what I am trying to sort out. I have felt like a "step-wife" all of this marriage - even though there is no such thing. Committment and trust have been lacking during the 3 years of dating and subsequent 3 years of marriage. I don't mean he cheated on me. He just wasn't emotionally committed, and he still doesn't trust me. But I married him anyway, and felt even less highly-esteemed in his eyes after doing so. I feel that he sees me worse than most people I know, and it hurts. And I am tired of it. Tired of the disrespect. Tired, so tired, so tired, so tired...
Between now and then I bought 3 DB Coaching sessions, a KLA CD from the website, a MB DVD, and a Fire Your Shrink! audiobook - so I am not so confused and tired anymore. I have decided to fight for my marriage. But I need help. I realize we really do have to let go of the past and start all over fresh. Guidance and support appreciated...
Thanks, Dauphne

[kasiopeia]

Hi, This will sound like i am a crazy,wierd person but the only reason i am posting to you is (the first sentence in your post) Explanation :i have a thing with the numbers 123.I see them everywhere,my aunt died in that room # and my sister has this thing with #123 also.
-That out of the way, i feel i need to post to you because of that.
_I feel that you know your Marriage is in a place that you could start having problems and you have come to the realization that you want to keep your spouse and fix the R.
-I hope that you have caught it in time before problems,if so that is great on your part.It should be easier.When my M had problems i didn't read into in time,and my H had an Affair.
-I think being human it is only normal that we all get a little tired of our spouse,and we need our own space also.
-Why doesn't your spouse trust you? You need to address that issue.
-Why do you feel like a step-wife?What does he do that makes you feel that way? Or do you have feelings of not being capable?Do you have low self-esteem?
-Is it possible you are both going through MLC?
I think that you need to realize that you are a wonderful person and work on yourself.Why would you want to move out of your bedroom w/your spouse if he hasn't cheated on you,and it sounds like he is in counseling and trying? You just sound lonely and MLC to me.These forums will give you good advice and i pray it works for you.Sorry if i freaked you out in the beginning,i am a pretty normal girl,just have some intuition. God Bless,K

[cat03]

I think as the years go by we tend to take our Ss for granted, that we forget they are individuals with goals and dreams and we tend to dehumanizing them and expect them to be like pawns in a game, "he is supposed to do such and such" etc.

I think trying to be friends is a good start, to have each partner have a hobby/passtime away from the S so they can remember who they are as individuals.

Life is too short to live unhappy, I pray all your hard effords pay off and that you find yourself again and so can he.