I posted this at 1:23 today: Here I am - confused and hurt and angry and tired. Don't know if I want to move into another bedroom, my mom's house, or stay in my marital bedroom. I am 40 yrs old and in my third marriage. I know how much divorce hurts everyone involved - esp. children. I very much want to avoid a divorce. My husband works, doesn't drink or cheat. We've gone to relationship and marriage classes at churches, MC, and he has been in a DV class the last 4 months. He is trying so hard, and I feel so angry. What's my problem? How much of all this is me not seeing how things really are, and how much of it is? That is what I am trying to sort out. I have felt like a "step-wife" all of this marriage - even though there is no such thing. Committment and trust have been lacking during the 3 years of dating and subsequent 3 years of marriage. I don't mean he cheated on me. He just wasn't emotionally committed, and he still doesn't trust me. But I married him anyway, and felt even less highly-esteemed in his eyes after doing so. I feel that he sees me worse than most people I know, and it hurts. And I am tired of it. Tired of the disrespect. Tired, so tired, so tired, so tired... Between now and then I bought 3 DB Coaching sessions, a KLA CD from the website, a MB DVD, and a Fire Your Shrink! audiobook - so I am not so confused and tired anymore. I have decided to fight for my marriage. But I need help. I realize we really do have to let go of the past and start all over fresh. Guidance and support appreciated...
