Quote: Once I started seeing my W was serious about working things out with me and maintaining NC with OM, and once I got a few good weeks of this under my belt, it seemed to start making a difference with W.
Thanks for the input. One of the main negatives I've got going here is that my W has not shown me that she is serious about maintaining NC with OM and start working on M. It's like she has just resigned herself to thinking that she will never be happy with her M again despite the fact we are getting along great and having fun together. This of course makes me concerned that she can again be open to OMs continued attempts to reignite things.
She is also somewhat discouraging any attempts I make to get a sitter and just go out with me one on one, depite that we always end up having a good time. It's almost like she is afraid that her true feelings for me will come back if given the chance.
Quote: I used to snoop too and I have to tell you it does NO good. It effects your mood and that shows. It further fosters a atmosphere of distrust. Now, sure, your W MIGHT be acting distrustful - but you don't know that.
I know, I know, I know, yet I still do it! Two more VMs from him, one indicating that he got her email. I have been tearing myself up over this but am being very careful not to show W. I did come to a bit of an epiphany yesterday when I realized that no matter what an AH OM is, the issue is not with him, it is with W.
On the other hand, yesterday she called and invited me to go with her to an event she was attending (I did and we had fun). AND, last night before falling asleep, I said ILY for the first time in a while and she responded with ILY back! Still, no ML in a LOOOONG time.
Interesting last few days. I was to go out of town this weekend and W was going to be with our Ks and also keep two of their friends. W mentioned Thu night that our Ks will be staying the night elsewhere Fri when I’m gone (I did not know this!). My alarm bells immediately go off thinking about OM although I do not show it.
Friday I decide to do a big 180 and not call her at all. She calls me late that night and is at home with a mutual friend; I am extremely relieved as there is no way she was with OM. Also, I had mailed her a mushy card that she got when I was gone. She told me it was nice, and “everything will be all right.” I got the impression that she had made a major decision about OM, hopefully, good for me.
Then last night, I got up the courage to ask her if she wanted to ML. She said No, but would if I really wanted to (It’s been months). I said I only did if she truly wanted to. So, we didn’t. I’ve basically been in a major funk all day because of this. I no longer even know how to ask my W to ML with me and it frustrates me greatly.
Thanks for responding on my sitch. It seems we both have the same problem: It's almost like she is afraid that her true feelings for me will come back if given the chance. I am too struggling with this (I'm going to post a little more on my sitch).
May I offer a suggestion about getting physically closer to W? The next time ML comes up and she says no, try asking "Well, could I just hold you instead?"
Or maybe start out slow by giving her compliments, maybe touch her on the hand or arm while you two are talking, foot massages...anything small that would have you touching her in a kind loving way. This is something I have to work on myself. My H is touchy/feely person and I'm not so much.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Thanks KDK, your suggestion of asking just to hold her is a good one. I try to just touch her on the shoulder or arm sometimes but occasionally it seems she literally pulls away. It amazes me that this is the same woman who was married to me for so many years and consistently professed her love for me only now to pull back so much.
