oh yeah, mothers day, last sunday. I would have preferred to go out to eat...H offered to grill....so that's what we did. I tried to keep my focus not on the fact that I still wind up doing part of the food prep and most of the clean up, but on that he offered to do it. H gave me a card and a candle. I would like for him to be more creative (got a candle for Vday as well) but I focused on the fact that he got me SOMETHING.... there have been years where he didnt. AND, S13 told me that his Dad asked him to go shopping with him....he helped pick out the candle, and got me a card also. S said he was in 2nd grade the last time his dad did that (5 years ago).
It almost seems like H is a teeny bit warmer this week as well, perhaps because I'm different?????
This evening is a going away party for the female co-worker in out of town office who is leaving to get married. H is planning to go for a bit. I'm not, not that close to her...h hasnt asked me to go with him, I was bothered by that some, and felt fussy about it, decided I'm not going to say a word, which will be a 180. I don't particularly want to go. I certainly hope monster isnt there, but I'm not going be his shadow for the rest of my life. if she is, he'll have to deal with it.
went to my aunt/uncle's 50th without him and had a good time, D went with me, will post/journal more about that 1st of the week. no time today.
quick journal/post about something today, and yes, I am smirking and enjoying the moment. truely ironic. We had an inservice today that I had to set up and H attended. I thought H left for home immediately. I brought over some av equip, and was talking to the account in the hall outside H's closed office door. went in the accountants office, when I came out, H came out of his office and said "hi, thought I heard your voice" and I stopped in his office and chatted for a few minutes. his email was even up, and yes i have to admit I glanced and saw nothing from monster, which he could have deleted, but anyway.
Then H said he was going to check mail, and asked "do you want to walk down the hall with me"...actually invited me, interesting. So, we walk through the hall talking to the mail room, go in the mail room, and guess who's there????? well of course, monster, at the copying machine. She instantly disappears. Sooooooo, we leave the mail room, I'm getting ready to come to my office and H to leave, and I lean on one side of the door frame, and he's stopped on the other...I did slip and mutter "geez, the monster" under my breath, and H said "yeah, I know" but then I change the subject and ask him what sounds good for lunch...and then the account comes out of the mail room and says somewhat loudly "hey you two, no PDA's here!" (he's known for less than appropriate comments)...to which H smiles and says "I know, that's what I'm trying to keep from happening" (could be taken several ways, but I took it as kind of positive that he could joke, however I was NOT doing anything but talking about lunch)....I said "Oh you party pooper" and kissed my finger, touched his cheek, said "see you later" and turned and left. I got about 3 steps down the hall, and who comes around the corner? monster. she must have heard it.
I just think it's "something" that H would even walk down the hall and lean against the wall talking to me, especially considering the bad old days when he didnt even want to recognize my existence. having monster see us together and overhear the joking kinda frosted the cake.
I got to my office, just sat down and turned on the computer, and H is at my door with my purse. I sat it down and forgot it in his office. Thanked him immensely for bringing it up....he said "no problem"....he had to make a special trip up 2 flights of stairs and down several long halls to bring it to me. He COULD have just sent me an email that it was in his office and left it in a drawer for me to get myself, and berated me for my forgetfulness. He didnt.
oh yeah, earlier in the staff training, the TV quit, so I had to go to this other building and get another one. Another guy nicely volunteered to assist, and H did as well! the three of us managed to move it to the other building in short time. There was a day when H wouldnt have even acted like he noticed. he did take off like a shot afterwards, though, that's why I didnt know he was in his office.....
just a minute to post. I need your prayers, gang, and I really am at a loss at to what to think/do. I've been out sick all week, got sick with I swear a "flu" a week ago, just back at work today for a bit. I am in shock though, last night i had to take S13 to the hospital. He was so ill and lethargic. We almost lost the kid, literally. We just discovered he is diabetic. I am just blown away.
To top it all off, H is weird as hell, didnt go with me to the hospital, didnt come to the hospital, I tried to call him for 45 minutes and the line was busy (said he called his parents) and when I got home at 2 am was giving me this medical jargon talk/explanation. I can't help but wonder if he was on the phone with the whore while S13 was deathly ill. I found out she contacted him around his birthday (1st part of March) and that last summer when we were on vacation he bought her a "trinket", a heart shaped stone that can be made into a necklace. just a trinket, one of those "polished rock" things, but it still pisses me off. he seldom buys me even a trinket.
We had a "blowout" of sorts Monday evening, H & I've both had this flu, S13's been feeling lousy....we were setting on the porch and H started talking about taking the whore fishing. I don't know why, but that pissed me off to no end. I asked why he took her fishing and he doesnt take me, and he said "I don't know, I guess she makes things more fun"....I said that sucked, give me a chance, and he said "lose weight...get on the treadmill"...he's been telling me i cannot have a bicycle. We don't need to spend the money. I blew up. told him I hated his f--king treadmill...and that I'm sorry if I'm not good enough for him. got up and went into the house. he came in and said "I'm sorry, I didnt mean to piss you off" and I told him it just hurts..... and then he went wild, off the deep end, screaming and yelling about 65,000 in "hidden credit card debt"....just off the wall, saying creditors have been calling him and telling him I owe this...This is not at all true, I owe nowhere near that much, Good Lord!!!!! and i told him the next time someone calls and tells him that, I want their name and phone # because it's illegal. I then called a company he said had called and asked them, you should have heard them sputter. So then he backed off, saying something about he's heard stuff from clients that he's responsible for anything I signed my name to....I can't help interpret clients as monster... H was so nuts and off the wall, it's like he's back to searching for justification for something. Been there, seen and that.....
He's really pissing and moaning about the new person they are sending to the out of town office....and was told that they may accomodate him by pulling him back into this office another day per week. So, this morning, he was ranting and raving about being a prisoner.
I didnt sleep a wink last night, between worrying about S13 and wondering why the hell I'm married to this damned idiot anyway. I did raise hell with him about calling her, which he swore he didnt, but i dont' know. I just told him I wished I could believe him but that I've been lied to so often for so long that it's very difficult.
I will be off work this afternoon, for my first sessions with the diabetes educator, who ironically has a daughter with it in the same school as S13, he even knows her. Hopefully he can get a pump in a few months. it sounds as though they are true miracles of modern medicine these days.
I'm just reeling from every thing. We almost lost S13.
Obviously S needs to be my priority, but it the damned idiot ever needs an excuse to run or what ever, he's sure got it now.
Of course, got to work late and was standing by the elevator talking to a friend who is a PA & monsters supervisor about S, and who gets off the elevator and walks right by me and gets on the scale (it's there close) but monster.
I have no clue what to do with/how to handle H. Guess I'll learn soon how to help S....
Oh, Deb. First and foremost, I am so sorry you went through such a stressful night with S13. It's 2006 and you have health insurance, all will be well. It's still rough for someone so young, seems so damning, but it's not.
You're right, S is TOP priority right now. We all urged you to get back to detaching, and now is the time and the right reason. Focus all you have on S, he needs you. His body will be going through a lot at such a hard age, trying to understand what this means for his life, etc. Make sure he's part of all the education, learning, exploring and enjoying life. You have picked yourself up so much through all this, now you have to do it for your kids...they need you to be strong, happy mom.
Forget H for now, take a break. Still be nice, caring, happy, but let his problems be his for a while. The way I see it is that you're both holding 2 bags, each with problems of your own. Yours is full now, focus on that. Why bother with what's in his bag? Let monster, is paranoia about credit lines and your imaginary spending, his depression about his career, his thoughts of your exercise schedule and how 'fun' you should be BE HIS problems for now. You are being supportive by just not kicking him out and by staying, being nice and making him comfortable at home.
Really, take all thoughts and put them away for a while. Focus just on S and you. Don't let things that don't matter get you angry..if you see her, who cares, you have more important things to worry about.
You ARE beautiful, strong, wonderful mom, incredible saintly W, great employee...you ARE fun. Don't let his depression and phase affect how you feel about yourself.
Sorry if this feels like I'm just spewing things to do and not to do, it's just that you are strong and I want so much to see you get centered and back to that.
Sorry to hear about the latest developments. Did your H know you were going to the hospital with your son, or was he just not contactable for a while? If he chose not to be with you and son, I would say that is a very big red flag of something wrong.
Also, what does your weight have to do with going fishing?
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
First - about S13. Please make sure they test him for celiac disease. Insist on anti-gliadin antibodies as well as anti-TTG or anti-endomysial antibodies. There is a higher incidence of celiac disease among children with type I diabetes, and although the damage is probably already done, there is some slim hope that by identifying celiac disease early, a gluten-free diet might help those children with type I diabetes and celiac disease if instituted early. Here are a couple of references to help you convince his doctors to run the tests (simple blood tests).
This is a big challenege, I'm sorry H isn't quite there with you for this. My guess is he will rely on your stalwart nature to take care of things, and he will be so scared by the issues of mortality and how they play off his depression/MLC that he may not be able to deal with this head-on the way you would like. My H was sort of this way with D's ED. And frankly (no offense to the guys here, who of course are exceptions to the rule ) dads often can't deal as well with this stuff as moms anyway.
Second - you seem to be letting old news (what H bought OW last summer??? really, now, come on) ruin the present. Anxiety tends to cause us to bring up stuff and stir the pot - don't do that! You'll have enough anxiety without having to reach into the past for more.
As for H's complaints - I know they pop up when he's irrationally anxious or depressed - but you still DO have to address the kernel of truth in them. If you're honest, you'll admit you haven't been able to stick to an exercise regimen - and it's really not H's fault. Also, while the debt is not as large as H thinks, and he's responsible for part of it, it IS a large and worrisome amount. He's unlikely to feel comfortable with it until you both get working together on a plan to pay it down (have you listened to the Dave Ramsey show with H? Might give him hope and motivation). (Really, you should want to be doing every frugal thing you can to pay that debt down anyway since H is so unreliable - check out for yourself Your Money Or Your Life and The Tightwad Gazette).
Third - speaking of your weight - I know I discussed with you before the idea that you should get tested for thyroid disease. Thyroid disease is also more common in relatives of Type I diabetics. It would be smart for you and H to both be tested for celiac disease, thyroid disease, and diabetic antibodies. This may even be a way to get H to get some medical testing which might help with his depression?
Fourth - you need to improve your communication style with your H. When piecing, it is okay to actually say what you are worried about - while sometimes stuffing it and letting it ferment leads to blowouts like you guys had. He doesn't feel like he can discuss your weight problem without you getting all defensive and blowing up at him. You don't feel you can tell him your worries and concerns, so you end up accusing him when you can't hold it in any longer.
Hang in there, sweetheart. I know this is scary, but you can do it. S13 is lucky to have you.
Ellie, are you there? I only will be here for an hour, but wanted to ask you, S13 is complaining of a great deal of heartburn....was treated for reflux as an infant. Could this also be indictive of celiac disease? Can you give me a quick low-down on symptoms/effects if untreated????I'm printing off the materials and reading them, H and I meet all afternoon w/dietician and diabetes educator today; tomorrow morning w/pediatrician and educator; I have a call in to our pcp to ask her about it (who by the way I was told yesterday by the educator is very knowledgeable and "cutting edge" about diabetes, that was good to hear)....
Deb - Personally, I'd kick his sorry butt out of the house. Sorry, but if he is still talking about getting together with her, that is wrong. If he's fishing with her, he's going to have sex with her.
I am very sorry about your son. That is terrible that your H didn't go with you to the hospital, you should focus on your son.
As far as needing to lose weight - start writing down everything you eat, get a handle on calories, and get up extra early to walk. That is a start and will help you battle your weight. You need to get healthy - not just for your weight, but for being a healthy, happy mom for your son.
) dads often can't deal as well with this stuff as moms anyway.