Hi Tnglator! Here is my extremely humble opinion.....
I think it takes more courage to walk away, then to seek vengeance on your WAW or the OM (especially the OM - you don't know what things your WAS might've told him - lies she might've told about you. He might've thought he was saving her from you - it's usually all fantasy stuff, but they are unaware of that). Now is the time for you to work on yourself, to move past this, to forgive all those involved, for your own sake, not necessarily for theirs. Concentrate on your career, takes some courses, get out and meet new people, take up a new sport or hobby.
Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord, and I believe this, and also believe that you reap what you sew. If you need to vent, do it here, or seek counselling.
You can do this!
PS Also been in the military (another country), and I know all about what goes on on a military base. Hoo boy!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I was a military wife for over 20 years so I saw the Uniform Code of Military Justice through my H's eyes and I can tell you it is there for a reason. Military guys (and gals) have to be able to trust the judgement of their superiors without a moments hesitation. Do you think in a time of crisis that anyone who knows about his affair would trust his judgement? Would you follow one of his orders without hestiation or would you try to second guess him?
Reporting him may feel like revenge to you, but in the long run it just may save the life of one of your men. If I was in your shoes I would not hestitate even a moment in reporting his actions.
Hmmm! And yet a president was allowed to get away with it. Wouldn't follow him with bullets flying around. I have to agree, though, with Wishing, that there is a code of conduct, and there are channels to be followed. Perhaps, you can speak to your unit chaplain, and get his advice on the best route to follow (if that is an option in the USA). Remember to stay true to your own, internal code of ethics, and you won't go wrong, IMHO.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I'm a fairly senior officer in the military and have a somewhat similar situation. Your COA depends on what your goal is. Do you want her back? Think about that one hard. If you do, then do nothing. Your W views you as the source of her unhappiness. If you expose this slimeball of a human and force them to break it off, you are again the source of her unhappiness. If you do this indirectly, she will still think it was you for who else has the motive.
If on the other hand you do not want her back, expose away. Start with your chain of command and let him get both barrels.
Hi, I understand why you want to speak to the OM. My ex-boyfriend of 8 years moved in with his new girlfriend 5 months ago. He was not honest with me about his relationship with her & made me think he and I were working things out. I called her last September to see what their relationship truly was. I was nice and cordial and told her why I called and about what he was telling me. She got angry at me and started arguing. I told her that she had my phone number and if she ever wanted to talk like 2 adults to please call me. It made her try harder and they moved in together in November. He told our friends that they both had to change their phone numbers because I was harassing them. I stopped all contact when he moved in with her. I started dating in January and the ex makes contact with me. Gives me his phone # and wants to talk about the possibilty of "dating" and seeing where it would go. He convinced me we could handle it. After about 6 weeks and finally getting physical, he said he "got spooked" and started avoiding me. I stopped the contact. He calls a couple of times a week and emails prayers, etc. I sent the new girlfriend an email this weekend to let her know that he had been contacting me. She will get it at work tomorrow. If she confronts him I will explain my motives. If he was sincere with me I'm sure it will hurt our chances for a future. I'm not sure that was what I needed anyway.
I have to agree, though, with Wishing, that there is a code of conduct, and there are channels to be followed. Perhaps, you can speak to your unit chaplain, and get his advice on the best route to follow (if that is an option in the USA). Remember to stay true to your own, internal code of ethics, and you won't go wrong, IMHO.