Told my WAH no contact 3 days ago, and now I do want to be with him on Christmas. Thought I could do it, but am crying almost constantly.
Most of the advise is to continue NC, and maybe if it wasn't the holiday season, I could. But I feel the mental anguish is making me physically ill.
We were originally suppose to be together Christmas day. If I backed down now, would I undo any of the respect that he might be feeling for me? Is there any way I could contact him without losing whatever I've gained?
Any advise is greatly appreciated--no matter what you tell me!
Told my WAH no contact 3 days ago, and now I do want to be with him on Christmas. Thought I could do it, but am crying almost constantly. Most of the advise is to continue NC, and maybe if it wasn't the holiday season, I could. But I feel the mental anguish is making me physically ill
You're doing it to yourself. If you were Muslim, for example, this Sunday coming would just be another Sunday. So, please, this is where push comes to shove in keeping the course... it's just 24 hours (not even, since you're asleep during some of that time), it will pass easier if you don't dwell on it, dwelling on things is what causes these feelings to come forth.
Plan something else if you can, go to the movie, something. You'll feel so much stronger the next day. If you relent, you may not feel so strong. Let the No Contact have time to work. Holidays interfere with that because they distract, so you have to give it a bit longer around this time.
Any advise is greatly appreciated--no matter what you tell me!
Your H doesn't want to be alone either and i bet ya 10:1 he comes knocking on your door on CHristmas. I KNOW it is much easier to say this from our end, if I were in your shoes, I'd be doing the same thing you are. I would maintain no contact, pray your butt off and wait and see what happens. Put your faith in God....he will help you find your way through this.
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That Is Why It Is Called "The Present"
Stay the course. Breaking darkness will NOT help you. Didn't you say H and D were taking bets on when you would crack? Do something different. Surprise all of them and then maybe you will be viewed in a different light and with more respect.
Good luck. You can be stronger than you know.
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
And because of the advise here and the advise I've received from my other friends, I haven't cracked yet, and I'm not going to. He may never want me again. He may not come home, but it's better than living in limbo--him coming to me from the OW. I refuse to take that any more.
And I also have a date tomorrow evening. This person is a hiker and has taken me on three hikes, but tomorrow he's taking me to a seafood restaurant, so I really think I can stay dark at least through Christmas.
This will be the first Christmas without my H for 33 years and I'm doing everything I can to not think about it b/c when I do I can't stop crying.
You are right! I needed to be reminded that the mental and physical anguish I'm feeling is of my own making.
Sometimes it takes another person to point things out to us before we can internalize the sitch and resolve to keep on keeping on.
Becca, thanks for your imput. You all are great, thanks for your support. B/c of you all, I'm doing it---for the first time in seven months---I'm really doing it.
Rere I know how hard it is. I have been feeling very sad the last couple of days also. It's the time of year and all our sitches. To me, I think this could be a turning point for your H. He doesn't believe you can stay strong. Remember, this will be his first xmas in 33 years without you. This may have a profound impact on him.
If not, you still have taken a giant step to GAL and standing up for yourself.
I wish you a peaceful and rewarding Christmas. Hang in there.
Spitfire23
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
{{{{{{Rere}}}}}} There a lot of us who are facing our first Christmas without H. I know what you mean about not thinking about it or you will break down and cry. It is difficult, but sounds like you are able to handle it. Give yourself a hug, a pedicure a pice of pie, get the idea?! I plan on praying for the day to go fast and be over with so I can resume the day to day routine that gets me through. Let H come to YOU next time. You deserve to be chased and wanted. Someone once said to me: Don't chase him. YOU are the gem that HE has lost. Let him find that gem on his own. Keep looking up to the heavens, that is where the answer lies.
Yes, looking up to the Heavens or looking deep inside is where it's at. I feel God or Our Source is within us. So at times I'm able to envelope myself in peace. When you are hurting you have to reach for a different level of spirituality. And I'm finding it.
And from now on, he'll have to chase me b/c through my chasing, he now knows that I'm capable of changing into a better person, but if he wants this person he'll have to come after me. If not Oh well, there's other fish in the sea and he knows it.
Hope I can keep this attitude through Christmas, guys.
Quote: Hope I can keep this attitude through Christmas, guys.
Instead of HOPING, Say:" I WILL keep this attitude going, through the holidays and beyond!" You CAN do it, you're strong and besides, think of your situation as one BIG lesson, study it and learn all you can from it. That means you are capable of learning life's great lessons.
