Hi Ellie, Yes, I am on Armour now. I have just added in some adrenal support and am now (finally!) feeling SO good. It has taken me years to finally get to this point. I just kept saying/thinking that all I wanted is to feel like I used to! I finally have energy, motivation, no more brain fog and am losing weight ..once again!
I'm guessing that Levothroid is like Synthroid? After hearing my dad's horror stories with T4 only treatment, I did not even consider just T4. I'm guessing you can control the T3 better, though .. with the addition of the Cytomel?
Deb, Yes, I am sorry, also .. for hi-jacking your thread. What it all boils down to is to make sure that you are very insistent about your doc ordering all of those tests for you. Make sure you get copies of your results for yourself. If you indeed DO have a thyroid issue (which is much more common than people think) the supplementation with thyroid hormone could do wonders for your weight AND your outlook on life.
Hi TC and Ellie, no problem with the hijack, I appreciate the suggestions and thoughts. I will follow up on this. This morning I woke up with a bladder infection, stayed home from work sick and spent 2 hours just trying to get a ua done. sheesh, doesnt seem it should be so hard.
Last night was tough, really tough. H is just weird again, and I feel so tired of all this, so lost. I'm not sure how we got off on the wrong foot, he came in the door from work and gave me a hug, was cheerful. He went to do the treadmill while I balanced the check book, came up and sat beside me and chatted, and then somehow things went all to hell. He started in about the debt issue again, and somehow I just was not in the mood to take it from him. I pointed out to him that the cc stuff that he is now pissing and moaning about was not just me having a good old time, it is stuff we discussed and he was gung-ho about and even suggested, and I was stupid enough to put it on my credit card. Boy was that a stupid, stupid move. Thought I was doing the right things, sure as hell don't know now why I thought that then. good old hind sight. When he started his bitching, I mentioned it was not all my doing, that it was discussed and he was in favor of this stuff, and in fact we were together when some of the purchases were made. Of course, in typical MLC or what the hell ever it is fashion, he had NO memory of that, accused me of making stuff up, and on and on. I didnt say a whole lot, but didnt back down, just stopped talking. We went to bed, and he said something about that he hadn't heard that "snot" for 2 years. I told him I wasnt being a snot, I was tired of taking the heat for something that was as much his responsiblity and "doing" as mine. Of course that went over like a lead balloon, he yelled at me, I dont' even remember what he said.
I had had it, told him I was "done" and got out of bed, he said "done with what", i didnt answer but was thinking "done with putting up with your crap, listening to your whining, putting my life on hold, worrying about your moods and whims and what does or doesnt suit you when you could give a rat's a$$ about what I need", but I didnt say a word, I just put on my clothes and left, drove around for a couple of hours, just needed to get away.
When I came back he was still awake, I told him if he needed to go, he should just go. he said "where would I go?" then waved his hand towards monsters place and said "you always think every thing is about that and it's not"...don't remember what else was said, sorta dozed off.
This morning he was conciliatory, said he loved me and just needed some "space" (damn, where have I heard that before?) and that he is having a really hard time with the kids being here. I am having a hard time understanding how that can be such a big big problem, but didnt say that, did ask if that was really it. he said yes, a lot of it, and that his bday is coming up and that's always hard for him as well (that is true, it has been a hellish time for years); i asked him why and he said he didnt know. i had a couple of brief emails that did say "ILY" and "your D" since I've been at work.
and now you know the rest of the story.
just wish I had a clue what to do.....and I am so tired of this.
Oh yeah, saw the phone bill that stirred things up a couple of weeks ago. 3 phone calls to monster on 1/7, one was 39 minutes in length, one 27, the other shorter. still drives me wild and infuriates me. however, those are the only calls, there were 4 pages in the billing and all 4 were there.
Quote: . he said yes, a lot of it, and that his bday is coming up and that's always hard for him as well (that is true, it has been a hellish time for years); i asked him why and he said he didnt know.
Well, so now we know the real reason he's been in such a mood - he may have ended his affair, but he hasn't dealt with the reason for his MLC in the first place, that pesky old fear of death and dying. Add to that that his birthday reminds him that he isn't where he thought he would be in his career and his finances and other things.....
So - how can you handle this differently? For one thing, the two of you need to figure out a way to get on the same page financially, so that you feel supported by each other in your mutual goal to reduce your debt. Dave Ramsey has a series of books and workbooks that might be good for your situation (and a radio show and workshops and a website). His mantra is "debt free" and I'm thinking that his message would appeal to your H, while providing real concrete things that can be done to get there.
One simple way you can deal with him better right off the bat is to validate. When he starts getting anxious about the finances and spewing at you, instead of getting defensive and hitting back with "you spent this money too!" (I'd love to see an accounting of how much money his affair cost!) - how about something like this:
"I know this debt makes you feel anxious, H. It causes me anxiety too. But instead of fighting with each other over it, let's join forces and figure out some creative ways we can reduce this debt."
Then start with a family budget, figure out how much you have to put towards your debt each month. If it's not much, figure out how you might bring in a little extra income each month to apply to the bills (even $200 a month could really help). Figure out where you could cut expenses. And figure out how to reduce your interest rate on that debt.
I never like to see short-term debt like this tacked onto a house mortgage, but if the interest rates on your cards are really high, AND you trust that you have developed the fiscal discipline necessary to pay it down, you might find that you can pay it down more quickly if you transfer it to a line of credit on the house. Not a good idea, though, if you'll do what most people do - transfer the debt to the house, then run up the credit cards again.
yes, we've got to get on the same page financially, but I'm not sure how to do it. for all his belly aching, he has nothing to do with it, and wants nothing to do with it when push comes to shove. I am pretty sure he doesnt even have a clue how to reconcile a check book. I have always done a written budget, in black and white, with expenses planned ahead, etc., and for the most part he always gets irritated about any mention or discussion of it money, just he doesnt like being in debt.
I guess I should have ran when we were dating and he said, "oops, I'm over drawn, guess I'll have to call my dad and have him put money in my account". he never learned to budget, or needed to, and so here we are.
I really don't want to add it to the house, but it may be a consideration.... I actually picked up Dave Ramsey's book, havent gotten it read yet and don't have the workbook, our rinky dink book store didnt have it, so I'll need to order it.
I think I will at least talk to CCC, don't know that it will help, but it can't hurt.
Yep, mortality is staring him full in the face since he turns 51 next weekend. I know for the last 10 years at least his birthdays have been pure, hateful hell. We almost always have a big ugly fight, didnt last year though, probably because of the damned affair.
Quote: (I'd love to see an accounting of how much money his affair cost!)
I guess this is part of what makes me crazy. I know how much his damned affaird cost (except for what HE put on HIS credit cards) because I do the taxes and have to go through all the cancelled checks and got to see them all lined up for the last 2 years....it cost in the neighborhood of 200 - 300 bucks a week. he would never believe it even if I showed him, but I've seen it in black and white on the checks he wrote for "cash" and "extra"....and he talks about how the poor woman is so good at making ends meet on her pittance...yeah, right. I will say this though, that is EXACTLY when our other debt got "out of hand" from trying to juggle to cover everything. Frankly, when I think about it, I'm amazed it isnt worse than it is, with all that going on and D in college and childcare for S...In fact, it's a damn miracle I was able to hold it all together.
Guess that's my vent for the day. you are right about the validating, I will pound it into my head to do that. Of course, I gotta get the urge to choke him out of my head!
I've been so busy I havent posted for 2 weeks, will try to journal in a bit to catch up, but am kinda worried today, thought I'd see what anyone else's thoughts might be.
things have been going pretty well, better by far after H's "nasty spell" about 3 weeks or so ago. This Saturday was his birthday, it went better than it has for years (more about that later)... Yesterday I was kinda nervous, had a hard time not being anxious, H was here in this office, complaining about hating being here and the office he was in being like a cave (over email) and then I hear him and ow paged at about the same time in the afternoon. Of course I wanted to panic that they were together if they were both being paged, but managed to stay calm, talked myself down (mostly anyway).
I sensed that H was kinda down, so when he got home late I had his favorite meal ready for him; he seemed really appreciative. Neither of us slept well last night, H tossed and turned, complained of being hot; Kept me awake.
Today, I've had a couple of emails from him saying how down and blue he feels, that he doesnt know what's causing it or why, but he hates feeling that way and wishes he'd feel happy and like he had some energy.
This scare the heck out of me, and I don't know what to do/how to help him. Is it still the mlc depression? Is he blue over ow? Is he regretting his choice to stay? or is it just the gray day and lack of sleep, plus SIL has a "stomach bug", maybe he's coming down with that.
I guess a positive is that he is TELLING me he is feeling down...for years he turned it inward and never shared this with me, and I really feel it contributed to our problems. He also held me in the night last night, suggested doing it himself...and he is sending emails w/ILY and signing them "Your D"....none of which he did when monster was in the picture.
So how do I help????? what do I say???? so far, I've just tried to validate and be encouraging without discounting his feelings. I told him I was sorry to hear he was feeling so down, that I was thinking of him and wishing I could give him a hug....sent him a cyber hug...told him I'd have all he wanted ready when he got home and to let me know if there was something else I could do to help him.
I have absolutely no clue how else to help. I am powerless to "fix" it.
I have been thinking that I may surprise him by taking in a few things to "the cave" office that he was complaining about (it is pretty depressing, windowless and blah)I have a framed poster of a mountain scene at home, and silk plants and baskets I could put in there as a surprise. but that would just be a fun "pick me up" kind of thing, not a real "help"....
I got this email from him earlier this afternoon:
Quote: Thanks Deb; I really appreciate your e-mail and it does perk me up a little. I miss you real bad too, I don’t know what it is but I just feel depressed, sad. I guess that’s better than mad. Well, I’d better get going. Love you! Your D
Is he missing monster? post-birthday let down? middle-age blues? lack of sleep? getting sick? all of the above?
Deb - unfortunately, your H's professional bent keeps him from seeing the obvious - which is that he has clinical depression, which is a BIOLOGICAL illness. He really should be seeing a doctor, and should also be evaluated for some of the possible medical causes of depression (okay, hate to sound like a broken record, but - thyroid disease? Anemia? Check testosterone levels? Prolacting levels? Diabetes?). If they find nothing, he should really give anti-depressants a try! I know, he thinks he can "think" his way out of everything. That everything is caused by his situation. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you, and just because your situation is stressful doesn't mean you don't have a biological cause for your depression.
man, I'm not feeling so well this afternoon, either, queasy stomach. I mention that because 2 days ago, SIL got sick, vomited and passed out a work, and they called an ambulance to take him to the emergency room...seems to be a bug going around, maybe that's whats wrong with H and me. At least it would be fairly short lived.
Ok, to update, my last post was 2/22...on 2/25, we all went out of town, 6 hours each way, for my nieces wedding, 6 hours each way driving, and it turned out to be the wedding from hell. Seriously. neice was an hour late for everything, which made it even an hour late for the ceremony, the wedding party didnt show up for the reception for an hour and 1/2 after it was to start, they didnt have the help needed (some of the help didnt show up)...and H and SIL and my brother were real troopers, pitched right in and tended bar and did a jillion other things. H never even complained. not one bit, and it was driving me up the wall so I know it was him.
on a side note, this is unbelievable, i am still blown away by it. My sister sewed covers for 300 chairs for the reception hall. I guess it's an indication of how much I've changed, there would have been a day when I'd have thought that was cool, now I just found myself thinking how sad it was, that she spent all that irreplacable time she could have spent with her family sewing all those. Plus she works 2 jobs and her H works 3. Guess my priorities have changed.
While we were getting dressed for the ceremony, H was "horny"...told S he could go watch the big screen tv in the hotel lobby while we dressed, and we thought we'd get in a "quickie". That was not to be, in true-to-form fashion, my mother comes knocking timidly on our door, saying she needs to speak to me. I ran into the bathroom trying to pull on my slip...H was quicker to get presentable, and answered the door. I talked to my mother from the bathroom, and it was the weirdest thing. Honestly, I believe she is developing some dementia. Anyway, she had this letter from the 1st guy I ever dated....probably 35 years ago. He had sent this to my parents and asked them to get it to me. It was telling me that a hi school classmate had died and when the memorial service was. Really weird, the person who died was an acquaintenance, not a friend. And the guy who sent the letter gives me the creeps to this day.....so weird that my mother would be doing that...I guess she is clueless. Anyway, I was pretty preturbed by the whole thing, and said I couldn't imagine what the idiot guy was thinking, and H said "he wants you back after all these years"....made that comment several times over the weekend. Weird, really weird.
Anyway, we were pooped the entire week after that. That Tuesday was staff meeting here at work, the hated staff meeting. I got this email from H afterwards:
Quote: I love you, you sure look nice today. I see monster sat up front, but no hair flipping or carrying on, too busy snarffing food. Oh well, I’m just glad to have another staff meeting behind us as I hate them with a passion! Love you, D
I really enjoyed having him say I looked nice, but obviously he was looking at monster, who was seated in a strategic location ...
H seemed pretty cheerful and ok, better than he had been, the rest of last week. Thursday he stopped by our house with a female coworker from the out of town office when no one else was home. This kind of bothered me, but the kids came home shortly after they were there...H told me about it, said they had stopped to get a book she wanted to borrow (they car pool). she had been wanting h to go with her to a weeklong conference in NC (she's there now) and H didnt go.... Friday, I was off in the afternoon and we had lunch then took a nap. At some point, I told H that I had realized that it would have upset me a lot if he had gone, that I am not ready for that. He commented that she was just a kid, that he enjoys her as a friend and coworker and nothing else. That she is an honorable person of good character, that she "truely is what she appears to be" and that she reminds him so much of our D (yes, she does). I reiterated that it would have been terribly upsetting for me . H agreed, said "it's a really fragile time for us". I'm not sure what he meant. H initiated ML, we took a nap (nice), and when we woke up H started talking out of the blue....don't remember what all he said, but it was about monster, and how she wasnt what she seemed, then he said that "it's like Shirley Glass says, a clue is what you talk about with another person as to whether the relationship is a safe and appropriate one. That if you talk about things you'd talk about with anyone, that's an indicator that the relationship is safe.. If it's stuff "just between the two of you", it's a warning sign. That that's what it was like with monster, that she was emailing him 2 weeks after she got there, and an example of what she said was "you are the only person around here with a sense of humor and that is so special and appealing to me". H commented that "it is so flattering and makes you think gosh, I'm really special to them and they really care, but it's really just a line to suck you in, they arent what they seem".... I just listened, was kind of shocked by his starting to talk again. I wonder if this is part of his current depression?
Saturday was his B-day...sheesh, 51. my mind still thinks we're kids. Anyway, he wanted to open his gifts first thing in the am, was really excited, hasnt been for several years. Then he and S and SIL went to his folks to cut wood and have a birthday lunch. D and I went later as she had to work in AM. I got him a "blue rock thrower".....and the guys evidently had a blast shooting blue rock all afternoon. H was as much of a kid as the kids. best 30 bucks I ever spent for him to have that much fun. I also got him a really nice framed landscape print for his office, he seems to really like it, although he hasnt decided where to put it yet, so it's still at home. Also got him a stuffed dog that looks like his precious Yorkie, and he took it to his office!
Sunday AM, he initiated ML again, and I fixed him a birthday breakfast at his request. he seemed happy and cheerful. ALSO on Sunday, he came up behind me in the kitchen, put his arms around me from behind, pulled me close and hugged me and said "ILY"...it had been several months since he had done that, and I had been wishing for it so much. I was thrilled when it finally came.
Monday morning we had some discussion about the kids moving in with us, and H commented that it had been the right thing to do to help them out, but that it had been at a terribly high price to us. At work, I got this email from him:"Good morning sweet heart! P was over here just talking up a storm so I didn’t get a chance to e-mail sooner. I have the stuffed Sid over here, showed it to A. She seems in a better mood today so I hope that lasts. Man, I’m on my second cup of coffee and that isn’t even touching how tired I feel. Well, I need to get going on some of this paper work. Love you! D
and also got this comment as he was talking about some female coworkers not getting along:
Quote: It seems one woman can pickup what another is thinking, must be you all’s mind reading abilities? I sure love you and thanks for a fun weekend, that is a birthday to remember! Well, I’d better get to work. Later D
I was excited and encouraged by this as it's been many many years since he has given any sign of having enjoyed his birthday, usually he would piss and moan and hate it and accuse me of making them rotten for him and causing trouble in his R with his parents. In fact, for years we have had horrible fights on xmas and his bday. He did comment once that we shouldnt have gotten him so much/done so much as it made him feel bad (he's pretty much ignored mine for a long time)...
So, I don't know what to think. it seemed so good, now he's so down.
Hi Ellie, just saw your post. You know, I am certain he does have depression. and he absolutely refuses medication for it. I see it in his dad, it's very real. but It's a really delicate sitch. i may need to think of suggesting it somehow to him, but.....here's what's happened before: several years ago, I did get him to talk to his pcp about it, and she put him on celexa. he was on it for probably about a year. STOPPED taking it about the time he started up with monster....oh yeah, that wonderful woman CURED him of his depression. he just stopped taking it. AND he accused me of being "in cahoots" with the dr, that the 2 of us were plotting against him (plotting what, I've never had a clue of) but he was furious, irrationally furious. She was my college room mate a million years ago, but I love him and she is very professional and sharp and neither of use would ever do such a thing. At the time, I just kind of ignored that accusation (he made it several times) and told him that if he felt uncomfortable with her, he needed to find a physician he could be comfortable with. I don't think he's been to the dr since, and I havent brought it up.
I just had a scary thought. I wonder if he could have a kind of slow-cycling bipolar. Although I've never seen him really manic. His aunt had a pretty severe psychiatric disorder, I dont' know what it was, but now that I think of it it kinda sounds like it could have been that. hmmmmmmm
H said he didnt like the way the AD's made him feel, complained that he felt numbed out. plus, they interefed with his and monsters sex life . guess that in itself would be a good reason for them.
oh yeah, at the wedding dance, I had to think of mlc....I saw the teen ager in him....he was throwing pieces of mints at people...at my brother, the brides brother, I think even at the bride. And he hadnt had much to drink, maybe 2 beers and 1 mixed drink. pretty out of character.
I don't know how to approach him about meds without making our sitch worse. And much of the time he does seem fine.
There is some good news though, and the sound you hear is me singing loudly as I dance naked on the roof top: D and SIL close on their house a week from today. get the keys. and we will have that stressor out of our home. I just hope they can do ok money wise, it will be a strain for a while. but they are so excited, and they could have S13 stay with them for some weekends. In fact, when h mentioned the out of state conference, we talked about that, and he said "that's what we'll do" and have me go with him...which would be really really nice. been parenting full time for almost a quarter of a century and got another what, 7 years or so to go.
Also, found out there is enough equity in our house that we could borrow against it to take care of some of the debt. DONT want to do that, but nice to have an option identified.
this is so hard. after all this time, I still struggle. Saturday or yesterday, I found out that for the last 2 weeks, monster has been emailing H, a lot, with all kinds of guilt trip crap, about how she has congestive heart failure, and she can't hang on much longer for him because it is making her blood pressure uncontrollable, and she has lost so much from him that she is all depressed and shut down and just can't feel anything for anyone anymore, and she's not sure she'd want him back if he did divorce me, and how she's using her treadmill and losing weight; how her knee is so damaged and injured that she can't use the break room in the new addition (she'd have to walk down a short hall and take an elevator) but has to walk a city block to use the one H uses....evidently she showed up there when he was there the day of the staff meeting and emailing started that day.
H told me he "composed a draft" to send to her supervisor asking the supervisor to be his contact on the med staff and that he sent the draft to monster. I can't even think what all else, but I am sooooo tired of this. over and over again he has said "no contact" and then lets her draw him back into personal stuff through professional contacts. I don't know why he can't say it, mean it, and make it stick. This s--t will never end until he does.
I was pretty broken hearted this morning, we actually had a pretty good weekend, but it hit me hard coming back to work today. h got somewhat fired up at my being upset....said he wasnt going to tell me anything after this if it upsets me so much. that he needs time to heal, I asked him "how long?" and he said he didnt know.....that if I hadnt hauled him off over that weekend he wouldnt have been so sad (I could tell by the look on his face what was on his mind that weekend, the last time he was in that town for fun was with her). Which makes me think that probably he has more of a role in the contact after his "sadness" than he lets me know. I told him I could tell he was sad, and it made me feel bad, but I wouldnt have made arrangements for us to go there unless he'd suggested it.
Over the weekend, we just "hung out" a lot, napped, ml, watched a movie, tried to do a bit of work around the house (currently hopeless)....
I told him when he first brought up the emails that she is doing this to keep herself positioned in his mind, and he agreed. We were driving to church Sat. evening, and a car that looked just like her's pulled in behind us, and I thought H was going to jump out of his skin. her mother and sister acted as though they were expecting her to join them in the pew, evidently this has been an argument between she and h as well.
i rented Fatal attraction over the weekend, havent watched it yet, not sure why I rented it. I had it sitting on the kitchen island, and h wanted to know why i'd rented it, I said I didnt know, just thought I'd watch it, and H said "you don't have to watch it, you're living it" which I did not think was good. I just ignored his comment though. D heard us talking, and said she'd seen part of it, it wasnt worth watching, and if I wanted to see Glenn Close she has much better movies.
Yesterday I did mention to him about the "not just friends" book that has the chapter "handling the intrusions of the other person"...and asked what it said (truly couldnt remember except that you have to be firm to the point of seeming mean) and H said that it said to expect them to have strong reactions, and that not reacting and getting drawn in was what a person had to do....so at least I had the chance to bring that to his mind. He commented how he had been afraid and dreading her showing up at church the whole time we were there. He called what she does "stalking"...I mentioned the possibility of getting a restraining order if she didnt stop...he alluded that that was a possibility.
This morning I got these emails from H:
Quote: Deb; I sure love you! Please have a no fret kind of day. I checked no monster mail. I swear if you want to see “happy D” just let the kid’s closing go through and let’s get them moved. I swear we can clean a lot of stuff out of the basement that is (D24’s) and she has plenty of room for it. I loved our weekend, just nothing much happening, we had time for a movie. When the kids go and we actually can get the house clean, the kids can visit but go home and their damn pets won’t be there making it such a crowded mess. My stress level will drop and I will be happier. This has nothing to do with Monster, actually there is no way I would want the stress of her back in my life, it makes me sick to think about. I love you and our new improved life. We are on the right track we just need to enjoy and give it time to grow. Your D
;
Quote: Thanks for the e-mail. I do hope you are feeling better! You are right the little monster is only as much of a problem as we let her be and I’m thinking she's just like a fly that comes in every once in a while that you have to shoo away, eventually it flies off and you just realize that after it hasn’t bugged you in a while. Yep, getting the house back and making it into what we would like it to be would be wonderful. I’m thinking we need to pour a slab and get S13 his basketball goal. I think if we played he’d get the confidence to try out next year and that he’d enjoy the sport. For S, with SIL and D back life is so much better and I’m glad for him as he was so anxious and with his friend moving had a huge gap in his life. I guess like you say God always finds a way, we just need to trust that and allow it to happen. As for Monster, I am absolutely certain life with her would be miserable and I did not want to be there. I realize that she made me feel a lot of guilt feeding on my interest and desire to help people and my ego as she always made me feel so important. I now understand it was so much B.S. and have let it go. I love you. Your D
;
Quote: Thanks for the e-mail, I too need them today. I swear it’s a wonder we get anything done given the complexity of the Fing paperwork!! You are doing better with the dramatic statements, but you didn’t put that you’d die for me! Haha, just teasing. Old monster had the talk but certainly lacked the walk! I love you and you do so show me everyday that what you say is true. I say we don’t dwell on the past but on our future. Well, I've got to go, I sure love you! Your D
Quote: I do appreciate your honesty and always have. You are a good person and believe you me that is hard to find this day in age. Let’s see if the old monster doesn’t mind her P’s and Q’s. I am encouraged that she is parking in the far lot, I pray she stays out of church and I think perhaps she just might be trying. I agree if she just has to be an @ss then the whoop @ss is the next option!! I don’t imagine it’d be much of a fight. See more motivation for you to keep working out!!! Well, I need to keep on working. Love you! Later Dan
(ok, I admit here, he'd joked about me never saying I'd die for him like monster did, and I told him if I was going to do that, I was going to at least open a big can of whoop @ss on her first, and die freed of my frustration)
on the one hand, some of these seem good, in that he seems to have gained some insight and be on to her "tricks"; but I get discouraged because still he lets her draw him in and push his guilt buttons.
and I realize in looking back, that these last 2 weeks when he has seemed down and pulled away and been complaining about the work load and being behind on paperwork, has been when he's been back in contact with her, regardless of which one of them started it.
Looking back at the beginning of this thread was startling also, because it goes back to the 1st part of December, and he was talking about having to go "Do Paperwork" then....we had a fight, as recorded in the thread, and now I know, again my damn instincts were right, that is when she was giving him the "its the season of miracles, get a divorce and come back" spiel.
I am so sick of this. I havent heard from him this afternoon, I have a hard time keeping my mind on work and from crying. I just dont' know what to think anymore. I swear I feel like he comes to the brink of going back to her, and it scares the holy living daylights out of me. I'm just not sure I have much left to go through this again.
I'm just praying that the kids' house closing goes through on Wednesday. Evidently there were 2 inspection items that didnt go through that they just found out about that are required for their loan program, they can be taken care of with out too much problem, but it could slow things down, and we are really about at the end of the rope. I know it's hard for them too.
H also commented this morning that actually monsters whining crap is good, that anytime he starts to "wax romantic" about her, she comes up with all this weird off the wall crap and it reminds him really fast of how nuts it all made him. and he talked about the process of "reclaiming territory" where they had gone, that that's not only what "not just friends" talks about, it's what he tell clients as well; that it was a big mistake to have taken her all those places, that we will have to reclaim them and find our own places.
I just wish i knew what else to do. I did get an email just now saying 'hi", that always helps a bit.
I have made an appointment with credit counseling to see waht might be done to work on the finance issues, and plan to contact a mortgage company here in town that was highly recommended. I guess I need to do that no matter what happens.
...
and causing trouble in his R with his parents. In fact, for years we have had horrible fights on xmas and his bday. He did comment once that we shouldnt have gotten him so much/done so much as it made him feel bad (he's pretty much ignored mine for a long time)...