Quote: By dwelling on the 'unfinished' I was stressing myself out unnecessarily. By deciding to put it aside for a while, I made my environment more pleasant, and myself happier.
Excellent observation! I loved your puzzle metaphor too...very apt! Well-done!
Quote: My point? By dwelling on the 'unfinished' I was stressing myself out unnecessarily. By deciding to put it aside for a while, I made my environment more pleasant, and myself happier. In all likelihood, I would have finished the vexing puzzle over the Xmas break, but in the end, my brother is now enjoying the chase to finish.
Oh Slowly, what a wonderful point and stuff to chew on! I like the idea of putting an issue aside for a while, choosing to focus on something else, and seeing what happens. It is usually true that I dwell or fuss on an issue that either I have little or no control over, and that my meddling will not help solve. It is also true that when I am relaxed, happy even, that solutions to things I've set aside seem to pop up out of 'nowhere'. In other words, when I am able to open my perspective from a restricted view on a problem/issue, I am more able to 'receive' advice/wisdom/answers from within or around me.
Thanks for posting your story - it gave me insight into my own question of what it would look like on a day to day level...
Pam - It's lovely to see you in this neck of the 'hood. Thanks for your affirmation
Martha - I actually think in pictures, which can sometimes be inconvenient, but when relating, the metaphors are handy
amd - To be honest, I'm not too surprised it struck a chord, I see so many similarities in our paths. I've dug up an old thread that I think might be just as interesting to you as it was to me. See below.
H2H - I'm glad I was able to answer your question. The stuff to chew on is never ending, isn't it?
Matilda - Welcome, and glad this is of help.
Well, NG and I continue to navigate through the business of life. He is being head-hunted by his employer's competitor, which has him flattered on one hand, but is also stirring feelings of 'disloyalty' for even going to the interview I can see a huge difference in my response, where in the past I may have suggested a course of action, this time I'm just affirming (what a superb opportunity) and leaving the opinions and decisions to him
Meanwhile, I'm continuing with the review of my past 12 months, and browsing through some very inspiring threads from a while ago. Here's one from Johnswife, which I found helpful.
Good moring Slowly I just wanted to stop by and see what was up in your world.
I understand the affirmation of the situation. That really is a good thing. It helps build trust and confidence in the fact that you believe in them.
For me this is not always easy, I am the traditional man and a cancer which has the trait of wanting to fix everything and help everyone, so sitting back, listening, and just being there is really tough for me. Stay strong!
Chris
I am going to win her back! It may take longer then I want, but it's worth it.
:: Update - I want to win me back, I am worth it!!!
Quote: I can see a huge difference in my response, where in the past I may have suggested a course of action, this time I'm just affirming (what a superb opportunity) and leaving the opinions and decisions to him
LOL! From this, may I infer, Slowly, that your house is like mine - where MEN are from Venus and WOMEN are from Mars? I'm definitely the one to jump in with critical analysis when my H just wants to vent his feelings!
Hi Chris - One of NG's LLs is words of affirmation, so its something I am always on the lookout for - taking advantage of these opportunities has really made a big difference in how he has been opening up over the past 18 months.
Ellie - Yeah, I noticed the similarity too - although I hafta say, now that I'm keeping mum, NG is actually becoming the analyst/fixer, Which is fine by me. Lately he has been full of suggestions about how I may want to handle my rather unreasonable new boss
And so another Friday rolls in - we have been invited to a party Saturday night at one of our neighbours, which will be fun. Its also an opportunity to tease NG a little. While browsing through one of my earlier threads I came upon this text, which I must have borrowed from another poster, but it is a good reminder for me, that I need to work a little on the ummm, erotic front.
The Erotic Mind, by Jack Morin.
The Erotic Mind explains the many paradoxes of erotic life, such as: why we're most excited when we must overcome obstacles; how anxiety, guilt, and anger -- generally thought to have a negative impact on sexual arousal -- often turn out to be aphrodisiacs; how we use unresolved issues from our early lives to intensify passion; and why the best sex is dynamic and unpredictable, rather than static and safe.
He talks about how early in life we may have come to associate eroticism with anxiety (as in back-seat fumblings), so later, safe in the marriage bed, it is hard to... well, get hard. He talks about a woman who always chose men who ran hot and cold, until she figured out that she is turned on by a guy who is "almost" in love with her. He talks about how "longing" can be very erotic, but winning the object of our longing will probably mean a dr in eroticism.
It seems easier to inject a bit of interest in our exchanges when we are in the midst of other people, NG, and I'm guessing this works with other men too, is a creature who likes the 'relative' factor e.g. my wife is more confident, less aggressive etc etc. Party nites are hot ones for us
This is very interesting. Maybe part of it too is the persona we wear in big social situations? You know, like Eric Clapton's song "Wonderful Tonight," or whatever the actual title is: dressing up, smiling and laughing and chatting with lots of people, then coming home together. Enjoy the evening!
I liked the thread you linked to a lot! I so look forward to the day when H and I are working together to restore and nurture our M.
Ellie, I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who feels like H and I reverse the traditional male/ female roles at times!
What an excellent post! SO and I have experienced this waning and waxing too, although we haven't talked about it outloud.
Longing, teasing, anticipation, surprise, change-ups are all tools in our long term R tool box to keep things fresh, as they say.
I know one of the things that really turns my SO on is seeing me in public (such as a party) interacting with others, and, to some degree, being desired by other men. I know that probably seems crass or a touch cromagnon, but we are, after all, "victims" of evolution. I think we can certainly play that to our advantaged! (said one venusian to another...)
Go! Flirt! Have an excellent time! And then go home and remind NG why you are, and always have been, the woman of his dreams!
I can see a huge difference in my response, where in the past I may have suggested a course of action, this time I'm just affirming (what a superb opportunity) and leaving the opinions and decisions to him 
I think we can certainly play that to our advantaged! (said one venusian to another...)