June 30, 2003 I found this website thanks to a friend who had been using Michelle's principles to save his marriage...I am happy to report that his marriage was saved and that he and his wife are doing great!
When I first came to this web site, I was 2 months into the "broken road" that started 4/3/03 when I discovered my H was having an affair, 4/30/03 he moved out and 12/3/04 our D was final. I did try to apply the principles that we talk about here and I know I did to the best of my ability--but it really was too late for my M. H was completely checked out of the M and wanted to find out what he was really about- "didn't want the wife, house, kid" dream that was my dream. Just over a year of being separated, we agreed on a settlement with regards to the house and I bought him out. 2 months later after trying to sort out all the other financial/asset details--he was reasonable and allowed me to go to a cheap divorce center, so we didn't have the ugly attorney court house battle. I submitted the divorce settlement proposal to him first,I filed and he did not contest. 6 months later it was final.
Just about 2 weeks after I filed for the divorce, I started dating a wonderful man- Bill. We had known each other, danced with each other at the local country western club and I was developing a crush on him--well a mutual friend cut to the chase and said, "Pam's got a crush on you"--and the rest is history...we both fell and fell hard for each other. By the end of last year, just after my D was final, he moved in and then this year, 2 weeks after our 1 year anniversary - which was also his birthday, he proposed. (in front of 300 people at the country club on stage!)
It is absolutely amazing what we have--he too was divorced, he had the wife that cheated and walked away--which I think helps us be so much better for each other--we know exactly the pain each other suffered and would never put that pain upon anyone.
We are looking so forward to spending forever together and I think we have both learned so much from our past marriages. I would not trade for a minute all the pain and suffering I had to go through--because the reward that I have now was well worth the journey.
It amazes me that we were both so willing to open ourselves up to each other--but it was so easy and so right- we are soulmates and completely well matched to each other.
My ex-H and I are friends and he says, "Bill is a lucky man"-- probably a bit of regret there, as he still fumbles with his single life--the OW left him in 2004 when he was "free" to be his (really? nah-yep!)...and whose shoulder did he cry upon? yep--mine. In fact, he said to me at that time, "payback is a b##ch, I can only imagine what you must have gone through"--that felt good to hear him say that.
I do coach him a little bit here and there on how to be a better boyfriend to his current girlfriend--some habits die hard--he is a latin boy and that eye does check out every good looking woman that walks past...and that hurts when you are the girl by his side... ..I am happy to still be friends with him...and he thinks my fiance is also a good man (they have spent time together)... funny enough-- May 13, 2005--what would have been our 10 year wedding anniversary-- my fiance and I arrive in Miami for a conference, my ex-H is already there for the same conference and lends us his room to change and hang out until ours was ready--"happy anniversary"--it was a bit surreal.
Anyway, I am rambling...but very excited to plan this wedding--and to live the rest of my life with such a wonderful man. Just wanted to share with all of you...
I actually stumbled back here to order some books/tapes for my brother who is having a terrible time with his M and what I think will be a WAW very soon... Hoping that I can help them find the answers---they have 2 great boys and I'd hate to see those boys get caught in the middle of this!
Congratulations! I'm happy for you. Things sound like they turned out just fine. I bet you didn't see that coming when you were first going through hell. Thank you very much for sharing. It's a different kind of success story, but success nonetheless. Don't forget the lessons learned here. Even though things are great now, it might not be a bad idea to read the book again, just to remember to avoid cheeseless tunnels. Good luck in your future.
Wes
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Thanks Wes- Yes, actually in my efforts to help my brother, the books (endless supplies of them) have resurfaced and I have been skimming over my highlights--always good to keep things in order and to not take things for granted!
Send me your contact info - elliestough at (that very very warm mail;) ).com My S18 has just started college at Berkeley and I'm hoping to put together a Bay Area girls nite out sometime when I'm up there - would love it if you could come
Hey Ellie, I did resend--but wondering if it has gone in your bulk mail--I attached a picture of Bill and I..I'll try to resend without the attachment! Cheers!
Thanks Debra! It has been a wonderful 15 months since I met my fiance and we're starting to make plans for a June 10th wedding--at least that is what we are striving for if we can get it all to work out. Not been here much lately - so much going on...
Been trying to help my brother--whose wife walked away from their marriage labor day weekend--first couple of weeks he was DBing without even knowing what the heck DBing was--I was very proud of him -- but now he is going through the "missing her" stages and not being able to sleep, losing weight, etc. (amazing how seeing someone close go through it tugs at your own emotional heart strings). I do know what the majority of their problems were-- lack of communication once the kids came along--and no "couple" time...then one thing after another and they kept getting further and further apart. I do think though it is a shame that his W wants nothing to do with therapy--"it is all him", "he needs to change", etc etc. We recently found out what prescription meds she is on for varous things (fibromalagia, migraines to name a few)--but she has been taking vicodin, ultram, flexeril, prozac and a few others that i cannot recall for 3 years...so I am beginning to think she is addicted to prescription meds and that it is a huge cause for many issues...but she either has no clue about this or doesn't want to have a clue. Anyway, been trying to help him as much as possible.. ..makes it hard to plan a wedding though with all that going on!
Got to see my ex-H today for a brief exchange of money, football tickets, baseball tickets--he was actually helping me out with getting seats together for my brother to take both sons to this friday's giants game...but I got to meet his girlfriend of 6 months--and I really like her and do believe she is well suited for him--very nice gal and she and I seemed to hit if off well to begin with... amazing the full circle that we've come!
Well off to bed I go!! Hope everyone is doing well!
Quote: but she has been taking vicodin, ultram, flexeril, prozac and a few others that i cannot recall for 3 years...so I am beginning to think she is addicted to prescription meds and that it is a huge cause for many issues
Pam, Vicodin and Flexeril is a very popular street combo of prescription drugs, I would think that it is very likely she is an addict if other behaviors make sense. Especially if she had prescriptions from numerous different doctors.
2 months later after trying to sort out all the other financial/asset details--he was reasonable and allowed me to go to a cheap divorce center, so we didn't have the ugly attorney court house battle. I submitted the divorce settlement proposal to him first,I filed and he did not contest. 6 months later it was final.
Hoping that I can help them find the answers---they have 2 great boys and I'd hate to see those boys get caught in the middle of this!
