Wes, I feel your struggle. Ever since I found my H spending actual face time with his 'friend', and I've asked for space to rediscover ourselves, I've found myself spending time with a man who is my friend. I like him. It's scary. But I like it anyway.
Yes, I feel guilty, but I'm trying to get over it. I'm rediscovering myself. Who knows what will happen. I'm having fun and I'm not going to wait around.
Actually Wes, I think it does say it somewhere that you can date. Just don't remember where I read that. You are not cheating on your W, she's your ex and you have the right to enjoy your life.
Now I'm not saying to go out w/this girl and jump in bed w/her tonight. Since she's new in town, show her the sights and where's the best places to meet people. Keep it easygoing and no expectations.
And don't worry about the ex finding out. You were introduced by your ex-SIL right? She probably already knows.
I admit...she's probably deranged, but I seriously doubt that until she knows the real me that she could possibly resist my charms. It really did feel good to have a conversation with someone that seemed interested in getting to know me. And I was interested to.
Since there is nothing to lose, tell her the truth, tell her you may be interested, but you still have strong feelings for your X. If she is still interested, great, if not, there was not too much emotional damage wrought.
In this instance I'm not sure that honesty is the best policy. That may sound wrong, but should I go on a date I want to see how it goes without talking about this baggage. There is something I need to know about myself....whether I have been honest with myself about devoting myself exclusively to my ex-W.
G, it always surprises me when you drop in, but I'm glad you keep up on my situation. You probably get dizzy just watching this rollercoaster. What happens is we spend so much energy trying to meet the emotional needs of someone else that we have nothing left for ourselves. It's natural to want some of that for ourselves. I'm sure if this friend of yours provides even 1/10th of what you have given of yourself to your H that you should be flying high. I appreciate your honest opinion. I badly wanted to ask her out, but I felt selfish.
Bruce, I'm actually surprised. I thought you'd say "don't bother". But it is just a date. A chance to have fun, meet someone new. Gabe, UD, Kevin....??
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Maybe it was guilt or I don't know what, but I IM'd ex last night. She said she was sad. Apparently there were some difficulties with her kids and their grandparents. The G-pa had called the kids' father and said come pick them up (over a week early) because they wouldn't behave. I'm sure that knocked her PMA into the toilet. I was suitably validating. Really that was the main focus of the discussion. I did mention that since my car was being worked on I didn't make it home til late (I didn't mention the girl part) that I felt guilty over the dog being cooped up so long. She said "ozzie lova you" At least she didn't take a negative spin. That's just the take home message. She wasn't critical. Well back to work and perhaps more pursuing behaviors.
Interesting fact of note. The girl I was talking to yesterday said she had divorced her first husband after three years and then remarried him 2 months later. I don't know the details surrounding that since it was the first time ever talking to her. But they made it another twelve years. That is without any DBing.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Personally I have not given any serious thought to dating or anything although I have been sorely tempted. I have so many things on my mind right now, with single-parenting D3 and all that it is almost impossible to do that. Besides I am not D yet and my W has not dated. So I am not in any position to advise you one way or another. In my own mind, I am quite certain that I will have great difficulty dating for a long time if my W decides to actually go through with the D and actually starts dating herself. I just would have too much baggage. In my experience and looking at the profile of the girl that you have mentioned it would surprise me if she would be interested in just casual dating. In my opinion it would simply complicate the situation for you. But then, hey, your situation is complicated as it is and is totally inexplicable anyway, so why not ust introduce more forks and bends in it and just make it absolutely the most incredible rollercoaster in the universe, sort of a wormhole to a different universe if you will?
BTW, it seems that Bruce and I are quite happy to rib you these days. Hope you dont mind?
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
Quote: When we said for you to GAL, you really go all out, huh?
Just going with the flow baby.
Yes, the interactions with my ex are good but she's "said" that she just wants friendship and has no interest in anything more. She's the one that wanted to try to set me up with some girl. If she doesn't want anything more from me then dating shouldn't upset her or make her jealous. She should be happy for me. And who knows...maybe there will never be anything again with my ex except friendship and I'm overlooking the chance to spend time with someone I might have a connection with. Can't know unless I give it a shot.
Now to play the devil's advocate to myself. Suppose my x thinks I just want her back for the sake of having her back....just the usual reflex reaction (actually she accused me of that early on). And by dating I'll have proved her point?? But then again...I am divorced so why am I even caring. Because I said "D but not done"?
Thanks for the input as always. And yes, I did call her today.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
And why would I not advocate you showing interest in someone?
But I think you have already made a decision in spite of everything X says. You think about how your decision will affect her. And you continue to think in terms of the R with her whenever you talk about the other person.
But whatever you do, you know we will support you to the best of our ability, with the necessary unnecessary comments.
Yeah, I think about how it will affect my ex, but I thought you knew by now that I still go with my gut. I'm kind of a "what do I have to lose" kind of guy. One date won't kill anything with ex anyway. So I called the new girl acquaintance and asked her out already. I was just having a debate...I had already determined that I needed to do this.
Why was I surprised? Because of your experience earlier when you found you weren't quite ready. I assumed since you know I'm hung up on my x that you would say don't bother.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I think it is great you are doing this. I'm sure you hope as you have questioned, you are not doing it for the wrong reasons.
Unrelated question I was pondering for you today.
How do you emotionally, intellectually pick up the phone and call her with little or no reason? I simply cannot break through some self-imposed barriers.
It really did feel good to have a conversation with someone that seemed interested in getting to know me. And I was interested to. 
I was just having a debate...I had already determined that I needed to do this.