Mollie, what are you doing for yourself? To make your life better? Can you join a club? Buy yourself an exercise bike? Get a new hair do or some new clothes? Start going to the library and checking out some books? Db books may be there!
Tell me how you are getting a life? Let's explore this part of piecing...by piecing a new you together, you will piece his interest in you back together!
Also, did you notice when he didn't call/show you wanted him more? The same is true for him, so try it.
Well, let's see. On Saturdays I volunteer at the animal shelter. I usually try to make a movie date or something with a friend on Sunday. I went out this past Saturday night with my MIL. My H called twice but I didn't answer. The next morning he didn't even ask what I had been doing. I really think he thinks I just sit around my house waiting for him to call.
I went out this yesterday with my girlfriend while she was looking at mattresses. Then went to her house for a while. I really don't have expectations of seeing him over the weekend so I am always looking for something else to do. He did ask my how the mattress shopping went but most of the time he doesn't even know what I do cuz he doesn't ask very often.
I really think I'm doing pretty good at GAL. Right now I'm a little strapped for cash or I would be doing more. I went to the beach overnight a few months back just with my dog. He didn't even know I went until I brought it up about a week later.
I guess he is really still pretty self absorbed. And I know his drinking has changed him some too. I notice he sometimes doesn't remember things I told him. I really hope he is serious about getting sober again, but I will not discuss it with him. That is all up to him.
He did call me this morning and teased me about how I didn't make him coffee before I left this morning. I just laughed and asked if I was fired. He said "very fired". It was all in fun.
I guess I am just impatient today. We haven't been apart a year yet (April), but the fact that it is coming up is bugging me a little. And I've only been DBing since July.
I don't think the GAL is the whole problem. The problem is I will cancel GAL if he calls. Although I sometimes put him off an hour or two. I guess that is a baby step for me.
I guess I'm not seeing the positives right now. But posting this does make me realize how I'm feeling and thinking.
My H is going to be late flying home from work. He called and then forwarded his notification of flight delay email to me. I love the fact that he wants me to believe in him, so he does things like that now to "prove" his words. I don't ask him to do so, he just does. He wants me to know I can trust and believe in him again. In return, I call and let him know where I am going and what I am doing when I am leaving the house. I never used to do that and when I was drinking, I sure didn't want him to know where I was. Now, I want him to know he can call me if he needs to do so. We are both trying to rebuild lost trust. Hugs, Akgal
There have been a lot of times when I wanted to act like I couldn't talk right now, but I just cannot seem to do it. I don't want to hurt his feelings and I know he would act like his feelings are hurt or get angry if I do that. Geez, this is hard. I would like some new clothes. I was on the "DB diet" for a few months and lost a lot of weight and really liked the way I looked in any clothes. But now I am gaining it back and I'm not so happy with clothes. I am back to being self conscious about my looks. I'm not fat just about 15 pounds overweight and I don't like it. I know how to lose it cuz I lost 40 pounds 3 years ago and kept it off until now. Not helping my self esteem at all! My H is quite over weight but his physical appearance doesn't bother me. I'm more concerned about his health.
I would like to do something different with me though. Maybe one of those spray on tans! I wouldn't go to a tanning bed cuz I've had a few carcinomas removed. I've always kinda wanted to get my nails done too. I'll have to think about this--thanks Akgal, I appreciate your ideas!
I went back to Alanon a few months back. I kinda quit it when I started DBing. My first H is an alcoholic and I spent years at Alanon.
Great! Get your nails done. Maybe you could start walking or exercising to get that weight back off? I understand completely, I am carrying 15 more pounds than I want to be carrying, too. I need to get back to the gym...but am on doctor's orders not to go right now. Just had a hysterectomy four weeks ago.
And, yes, this is hard. Don't kid yourself. Still, you are doing great...so pat yourself on the back! Keep your chin up. You can do this!
AKgal, thanks so much for your encouragement--it really helps! I think I will do the nails, but need to wait a few days until the cat bite on my finger heals! While the dog was attacking the cat I tried to get the cat away and she bit me. Of course they have dirty little mouths so had to go to the doc and get antibiotics. Boy did it hurt too!
Anyway, last night H called a little after 6 which is very early for him. I didn't answer so he left a message to call even though he knew he would be out of phone range. I called and left a message saying I was sorry I missed him, just returning his call. He called a couple hours later and told me what he'd been doing all day (day off) and I said it sounded like he had a good day. He told me about his healthy eating all day and I told him I was proud of him. He also told me while he was visiting a friend, they went to look at the guy's house he is remodeling and renting out. The guy told H he should move in there. H said it was a cute little house and I was dreading him saying he was going to move into it. But he said he didn't think he wanted to do that. I've decided to take that as meaning he plans to move in with me sometime. I didn't say anything though.
I went to his place and we watched TV and talked a little. He doesn't talk much when focused on tv and I remember eyesopened saying that in the evening when men are sitting down watching tv their brains are winding down for the night and they don't have much to say. So I don't try to initiate any serious talks about anything.
It was a nice, relaxing evening. I feel better today about the possibility that this R will progress, just have to remember to take it slow.
Sounds like things are going good for you. I am in the piecing stage and am falling back, the lovemaking is hard for me. Especially since his affair at first it was great, but now it is more like just sex. I have tried everything but nothing seems to get the passion flowing again. I am also backsliding on the detaching thing. It is hard when he has been there everynight for two weeks, then all of sudden decides he has other things to do for three days. it is really hard. He can't tell me what he likes and doesn't like I am just suppose to know he says. I told him I felt like I was having to compete with his memories of her. This is so hard any suggestions?
Wow, I have to tell someone! I am at work at lunch time and H calls just to chat for a minute. About fell off my chair. He hardly ever does that! However, I will not have expectations about it happening again. It was nice though.
I wouldn't go to a tanning bed cuz I've had a few carcinomas removed. I've always kinda wanted to get my nails done too. I'll have to think about this--thanks Akgal, I appreciate your ideas!