I don't know. I don't think so, although it does make him look bad... I'm nowhere close to being a lawyer, I just know of a woman my mother used to work with who walked out of the house, and because of that she was cited with abandonment. (I believe he had an affair, although don't know the gritty details.)
Well, to be honest, the first go round I just got mad. And it had only been a few weeks. I got tired of his whiny back and forth "I love you, but this isn't working." (He didn't even give me the ILYBNILY line....sheesh...) I felt yanked around, and we just had this huge blow up fight...and I walked out the door. He had already forced me to sign him off of the lease on the apartment, so it was mine, and I wasn't worried about that. I only went back for the dog. (And I think the fact that I took her really scared him.) That was when he was deep in the EA/brief PA.
Anyway, three days and that was it. He actually called my cell every 20 minutes for over 24 hours. No joke. He even showed up at my job. The man was in complete tears, hadn't slept for two days, when I went back.
I honestly think we only seperated a second time because neither of us dealt with the issues from the first go round properly. It was completely different than the first time.
Anyway...it wouldn't have worked the second time with H. I ignored him for two weeks after he kicked me out of the apartment. (Only in his name. Long story.) And then I found DB.
However...I wonder if some version of the LRT might work for you? Seems to bugger him out. Notice he freaks when he doesn't know where you've been?
Yep, you've got the ingredients for a good screen play there! Big LOL!
Quote: I did actually think about putting all his stuff in the big box and pitching it out and changing the locks. I really did. my next thought was he has so darn much stuff it would take forever!
MHO- no need to pack everything at once in order to have the desired effect! And why pay for a locksmith when you know he will be coming back?
Quote: It hadnt occured to me that maybe his "put-downs" are intended as sabotage...could be, that makes a lot of sense now that you mention it. And certainly they are a pretty obvious effort at justification for him.
He's scared because he sees you changing. What do these changes mean for him? "Hey, Deb's getting it all together. Is she about to leave me?" Now what do you do about that....nothing....absolutely nothing....you just keep on GAL. He will figure out that it's not a threat to him or your marriage.
Quote: "well how would you have reacted if I'd told you she needed me to help her out?"....
Again, trying to use YOU as a justification! "Hey, pal, I would have reacted about the same as you would have if I told you that I was helping my old BF pick out some new underwear!"
As far as unconditional love...you still love him, we all know that! LOL You just have to get your anger working for you instead of against you!
I was just over in the other building, and now I see on the "public" leave calendar that this coming Friday ow is taking vacation, and of course H is off that day...how much is any one willing to wager they plan to spend the morning together since he didnt go to her place (or maybe he did) on New years day?
Over the weekend, I told H several times that I was not going to live like this for the rest of my life, and H would start ranting and raving that he wasnt going to live like this either, with me not trusting him and throwing it up to him over and over again. I see that as a form of control as well. I did tell H when he was ranting and raving about me never trusting him and having to live with this for the rest of his life that there were things he could do, as suggested in the book "not just friends" that would take care of it....that for starters he needed to email her that it was over and cc it to me or make a phone call to that effect while I was in the room. He didnt answer.
this whole damn mess is getting so old. and of course money is a big issue.
I am really feeling torn about what to do at this point. last week H asked me if I wanted him to get my big suitcase out of the van a day or so after I'd been gone, and I told him no, leave it...I think that was on Friday...I don't know what he thought of that. It was actually handy as it was already there when we went to my folks.
A weird thing happened Saturday night...we stayed at a motel when we went to my folks...my cell phone was in my purse, I thought turned off....sometime in the middle of the night it started to play the tune it plays when you turn it on. It woke us up....H wanted to know if some one was trying to call me, and who was trying to call me....I ignored him in the night, just said "that's weird"...next morning he asked again, and I told him it was my boyfriend. He said "well I guess you should have answered if it's your boyfriend"....
But hey gang, I still need help, now how do I deal with Friday? I wonder if H will be coming up with something about a workshop or what ever? I can't even think straight right now......
What would you have done differently Nevanna if you'd have found db earlier?
Deb I feel for you as I have same feelings. H and I have been back together for 6 months and NY Eve I find out he is still"friends with OW. I love him so much but just dont want to live this way anymore and splitting up is going to crush our two boys ages 10 and 17. They were so happy when H moved back home in July. Check out my recent post- Piecing seems to be falling apart.. We will both get through this... just have to start focusing on ourselves as we only have control over our own actions
Hi Ellen, yeah, I know, I would like to spend the night out. I just have trouble figuring out what to do so as not to make things worse for S. That is a huge concern for me.
When I came back home the night before Christmas Eve, I told H I came home because of S. probably shouldnt have said that, but it was/is true.
Hi KMFLA...I will check out your post...I have just been thinking piecing seems to be falling apart...?????? and I have RACKED my brain trying to think what I've done differently....only thing I can think of is that I've backed off on/toned down the "Mushy stuff"??????
couple of other notes from the week/weekend...early one morning, I was trying to look up a number on caller id, hit the wrong #, phone rang, I clicked it off and then H heard me punching the buttons...he came out of the bathroom, (didn't know he was there) and wanted to know who I was trying to call, if I was trying to call an attorney. I told him I was trying to check out something on caller id, and he accused me of lying, said I knew how to work the phone, and all kinds of weird stuff.
I don't know that I would advise you to walk out on your H, especially with your S left behind. I forget how old he is. He will feel awful and insecure.
Also, as folk here have pointed out, might it not jeopardise your case if YOU are seen to be the one to walk out?
If you feel strongly that you can't be together while he is with OW, get HIM to move out.
If he means business about there being nothing between him and OW, then he should pledge to you that their days off never coincide. If he can't do that, it shows lack of willingness to be up front.
After my H left, he told me and others that it is what *I* wanted, turns out that my saying to him when his behaviour was abominable that 'I won't stand for this behaviour for ever' he thought I meant I was going to walk out. And we aren't talking about his EA with OW, but just general bad behaviour, unprovoked rudeness etc.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
yeah, I know, S is 12 and that REALLY makes things complicated.
I don't know how much longer I can live with this...as KMFLA said in her post, things were going great...I thought...now I can't help but think it's all just a big facade on his part to either string me along or cover up...I don't know.
When H was begging me and pleading with me not to leave on the nite before xmas eve, I mentioned that I believed I thought this was some of her conniving to get me to throw him out, and he said "don't you think then that she must be getting frustrated that it isnt working"...and in tears he said something about "she can/will never have me"....
He is not very up front, I don't feel. He feels it's none of my business.
I got tired of his whiny back and forth "I love you, but this isn't working." (He didn't even give me the ILYBNILY line....sheesh...) I felt yanked around, and we just had this huge blow up fight...and I walked out the door. He had already forced me to sign him off of the lease on the apartment, so it was mine, and I wasn't worried about that. 
I only went back for the dog. (And I think the fact that I took her really scared him.) That was when he was deep in the EA/brief PA. 