I'm new to all this, but here it goes. My husband and I have been married for three years. Our sex life in the beginning was GREAT ! It's like we couldn't get enough of each other. Now in the 2 years our sex life has been slim to none, then this past October I had to have a hysterectomy (partial) and then I had one health problem after another, (thyroid problems, then bladder problems), since then my husband has acted like I don't exisit at all. Before this our sex life had started slacking, meaning, he wanted when he wanted it and didn't even care about my needs. It's like I was suppose to be there for his conveince. :confused: Now it's been so long I can't even remember the last time. :( I'm doing the 180 list, but how do I deal with this pain of rejection inside ????
I am sorry to have to welcome you to the club of HDW with LDHs. The good new is that there is hope. I was every bit as miserable as you when I first joined this board. I have made a lot of progress and I feel much better about myself and much more hopeful about my marriage. I occasionally regress into anger and resentment, but I find that this board is a great place to vent both despair and frustration.
The first thing I will recommend is that in addition to Michelle's book, you should read Passionate Marriage by Schnarch. It is very helpful in a different way than SSM since it is more theory based and it is written by a high drive man. We HDWs are still waiting for the perfect book for us that would be written by another HDW, but until then combining SSM with PM is the best we can do.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
When I first started posting, I read as much as I could about other HDW. It helped me not to feel so alone. I had never met another woman who had the same problems. It made me feel great, and it gave me hope. Hang in there! Keep reading and posting because it does help.
Bamafan, I can relate to a great sex life in the beginning and then illness taking its toll. My DH has Crohn's Disease in addition to other health problems in the past (some resolved others not).
Ill health can take a toll on a marriage that can be devastating. I want to be sympathetic to my H health problems but sometimes I don't feel he really understands the stress it has put on me.
We are struggling through it but are committed to each other, our marriage, and our family. It has caused some very heated discussions and some really pissed off feelings at times!!!
Keep posting...it truly helps to have someone to lean on who can relate to what you are going through.
I can relate also to the sex that seems to be all for him and none for me! It really has caused some tension in this household. I am currently going to counseling and I believe it is helping me.
We have been married almost 22 years and he has been really struggling with his health since 1990. We have 3 children and are about to become grandparents in about 3 weeks.
There is much to work for and I work at it everyday - sometimes I do ok and other times I am a screaming meme.
