Sounds like a nice visit, Azure. I am sure H will be pumping his mom for info.
Where ya going these next few days? Hope you are having a good time!
I was thinking I'd love to get together soon. Actually, I will be at a confernece the next few days myself but will be around at the beginning of next week.
Azure, I do find it interesting that your H is willing to acknowledge his drinking as a factor in the breakup. Seems to me that's one of the first times he's mentioned something about *him*. And as much as you are so good at being introspective and willing to grow and change (and this is a good thing), I want you to know that this is SO much more about him than about you from what I can tell.
Yeah, I'm very relieved over avoiding surgery and am starting to walk on the leg a little more and more every day. I'm now working on getting a temporary handicap parking permit from the doctor so I can drive to and from work. I took the bus yesterday and it was really tough. It's too far of a walk at both ends and the bus lurches and brakes too much. By the time I got to work I was sweaty and cranky -- not a good way to start the day.
[Friends] wedding sounds very nice. Was it painful or weird for you? I could see how it would be.
At some point it might be good for us to talk again about a few things. Please forgive me if I am introducing this the wrong way, but I would love to have you come by my place for a visit, but as you know I'm seeing someone and wouldn't want the presence of some of her stuff in the apartment to upset you. She (Margaret) would really like to meet you but I would respect your decision to want to delay some of that for now ...
Ugh, am I digging myself into a hole, or are you open to discussing this more? It seems that not mentioning this issue is kind of avaoiding the elephant in the closet, but I also want to be sensitive to your feelings.
Oh Azure, Did the letter from H hurt? Tell us your feelings. Get them out. Are you okay? What are you thinking? Big Hug!
He seems to be thinking about your feelings. That is a good thing. I'm sure it doesn't feel like a good thing right now. But take a little step and show him what you are made of. Ron
My new goal #1. Find happiness and hold onto it. Forget everything else. It doesn't matter. (Happiness helpers: Respect, Friendship, Humor, Music, Passionate Sex)
(((((((Azure)))))))), I know it hurts, Hon. YUCK, indeed! I'll probably be up late tonight if you feel like talking. . . I don't look forward to the day I get the same sort of message, but I also know that I would rather 'know' than not know . . . Thinking of you! Hugs, -H2H
Um, I don't feel that good, really. These feelings harken back to the old days (and it's not that I didn't think he had a girlfriend). I have to sort through them. I guess I just question why I want to be friends with him. What is the ratio of good feelings to bad feelings? I haven't written back. I feel out of words right now. But he sent this about an hour ago:
Hi Azure,
I'm concerned that my last email may not have sat well with you or hurt your feelings. I'm sorry if that's the case.
In an effort to be honest and open with you I fear I may have hurt you. You don't have to reply if you don't feel like it. I just wanted to let you know what I was thinking.
Well, that did knock me off my pins for a while. It was way too flashback-style reminiscent of "Ex-OW has such compassion for you because she's been through the same thing." [Do you know what I mean? That "compassion" from her was something I never felt.] But I am not into being this person of drama and sadness anymore. I had my big cry for the day. On the other hand, I am also not up for the scenario you proposed, at least at this time. This has all been a lot of hard work for me, but I'm proud of the work that I've done.
I don't know what I'm up for, really, except to continue re-writing my script for life.
Yes, the wedding was very hard in some ways. But they are a couple of people I really love.
