For those of you that don't know my situation, here is an extremely brief refresher.
After years of struggling in our marriage, close to the edge of destruction of same - My wife and I watched Michele on a newscast. Bought the book. Both read it, Began recovery. We are doing well now.
We have both been reading, and on a limited basis, participating in some internet forums in an ongoing effort to strengthen our marriage. We both came across a bulletin board at www.marriagebuilders.com. It got our attention, but not in the way you might think.
We have both been reading a couple of forums on that system. One is "General Questions II" the other is "I just found out". I have to tell you, that reading those two forums have changed us yet again. Most of the little issues are now melting away as a result. Somehow, the big things are no longer so big. Here is why.
The stories and the characters therein are very real, and they are heart wrenching. I can't believe I tossed around the idea of affairs or divorce for as long as I did. From what we have read, indeed witnessed over the past few months, we will never ignore each other in a wholesale way again.
If you and your spouse are feeling strong and can stand some controversy, I suggest that you read the forums I mentioned together. Read them for a couple of weeks and get to know some of the characters (real people) there. If you still think that an affair or divorce is the way to solve your marital problems, then I will be very surprised.
I am very grateful for the friends (albeit anonymous ones) that I have made here. I am very grateful for a book (TSSM) written so graciously as not to alienate a spouse(s) with issues to address. I am grateful that I have learned to deal with my spouse in an upfront and forthright manner. I will do my best to never let my marriage wallow lost in the depths of despair again.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
When you say, "bought the book" do you mean "Divorce Busting", "The Divorce Remedy" or "The Sex Starved Marriage"? Think one really has to have read one of the first two to get the most out of the third.
I'm just wondering...
Another really valuable book is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Have you read that?
I think many of us are familiar with the marriage builders site. It seems like a good one when two people are willing to work at things. Not sure how well it would work otherwise.
Glad things are working out well for you! Congratulations!
Michele was talking about TSSM on the newscast. I bought it. Later I bought Chapman's book. Neither of us got much out of it. I also bought a couple of others, don't remember what they were.
The Marriage Builders website was a shock for me. It reads like a very bad soap opera. I thought I had seen every form of dysfunctional human being. I had not.
My wife and I have both "cleaned up" some areas we were holding back from each other, as a direct result of spending some time reading the MB site. We will never be perfect, but we have come a long way in the past year.
I completely agree with you, the site should be a mutual experience between willing partners. It is a lot to fathom from an emotional point of view otherwise. I found myself enraged, sad, happy and almost in tears a couple of times. That is a bit much for me, so I won't be spending a lot of additional time there. I did learn a lot however. Certainly enough to realize how close we came to a place I never want to visit.
I don't know how things are with you these days, rayanne, but I hope life is treating you better.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Well, if you haven't read "Divorce Busting", think you should. Think you'd get a lot out of it.
I'm surprised that you didn't get much out of "The Five Love Languages", but guess different things talk to different people. I wasn't so into the Marriage Builder's Site, but then my STBX thinks all that stuff including Michele's is stupid. He's rather closed minded.
I'm for whatever makes sense and works for you! Really glad to see your improved situation!
Life is treating me very well. Kinda fell into a long distance R with someone that I would like to get to know a whole lot better. Just gotta get this darn D taken care of. I've been separated almost six years. That's a long time!
Congratulations! 