Hi Shiny - In my pre-post lurking days, your threads were among those I gained much inspiration and solace from. I'm sorry to hear there are echoes remaining, and wish you only the very best in getting through this phase as well.
Hi Shiny! I have missed you- liked your other threads especially the psychological segments you know, stuff I can post to my own thread and reread and reread....first of all, I love to clean stuff up- Congrats!! CJ may be feeling guilty or just plain amazed at your initiative. Ignore the crazy comment- maybe its a nesting thing only some of us enjoy. I quit waiting for H to do some things- he never gets to it and if I ask - just causes bad feelings. I sometimes do it or get someone to do it telling him he doesnt have time- and he knows he doesnt. I dont know how many times I have heard him say: Rather than buy it, I can make it! He has unrealistic goals at times and then gets disappointed when he doesnt meet them. So glad to catch up a little- are you in a rut? do something different? LOL Shay
WEll, I'll post aboput yesterday in a bit, but I'll try to address some of your great points and queries about the yard and PI sitches first.
CHL!!! Yes, definitely itchy butt...this is my first span of time off from work since 2002...hence more time to think and process.
About the yard.,..CJ doesn't see it as his domain...he does mow the lawn, but that's about it (except for the watering this year). We have a huge hedge with a mowhawk because I can't reach the top of it with my pruners!
That doesn't seem to bother him much. (At all or perhaps he'd take out the electric clippers and get rid of it!).
On the recycling front...he and I took in a a load of glass (wine bottles to be perfectly honest) and he took in another one the next morning...it's a start! (we figure about 160 - 200 bottles...relax! we're talking YEARS worth of bottles!).
CJ was actually NOT angry when he got home from work after my "out burst" on Wed. He suggested we go test drive cars on Thurs.
So we did...and wound up buying a new car!!! We got it for the price of a new/used model since we paid cash and they didn't have a colour on the lot that I liked. I played it up real big that silver is my PARENTS car! ...but we wound up with a nice Burnt Maple leaf red (must get the proper name) 2004 Pontiac Sunfire (4-door, I must be able to see out the back and the sportier 2-door won't allow it).
I think the plan is to take her for a little drive, maybe overnight somewhere tomorrow!!!
Did I say I'd address the PI thing here and update you later? Bass Ackwards as usual!
Shiny
P.S. when it came time to sign for the car I think CJ expected me to want sole ownership (we'd discussed this before, me never having had a car of my own)but we co-signed...I think that was a vote of confidence in him as he seemed really pleased and relieved.
Ellie, I have brought this up with CJ...in calm close moments too (In the past it was always in frustration..NOT helpful). His usual response is that he'll "work on it".
Most recently I pointed out that although in most ways our M is really great right now, we are not intimate and this is a MAJOR deal for me. CJ responded by offering a situational solution, and one we've heard/tried before.
You see he sleeps most nights on the couch due to a sore back (how can a couch be more comfy than a bed?) and because he snores like MAD, making it impossible for me to sleep.
So his "solution" was to sleep in the bed with me. As though sex would just naturally follow proximity. Well he did join me, but nothing followed except a night on the couch for me. Other times he'd join me in bed in the morning, but then get up and say he'd come back to bed in a bit...and then never do it.
Yes, we share hugs, hand touches, shoulder rubs. But aside from my ice-cube inspired kiss with him the night of my "offer", no passion at all.
I tend to agree with whoever said that it's nearly a phobia with him now....I mean he can't blame a lack of emotional connection or arguments/devisiveness/ my toxicity...as these things don't play a role any more....yet the avoidance remains.
The last time we DID ML...I'm sure I posted it back in Sept...was quite wonderful. It was a "rain check" from the night before which WAS followed up on. It was great for BOTH of us...I suggested then that it wasn't so bad having "Planned" a night of romance, and we should do so more often, like maybe once a week....CJ agreed, but nothing ever came of it.
Should I have followed up? Should I BE more persistent? Should I set out to seduce him? Giving him the rope on this one just is not working, yet all the other options above have backfired and made ME almost phobic of initiating PI.
As far as coming on too strong...I don't do that anymore. My "offer" of the other night was the first time since Sept that I'd come right out and put the "sex" thing out there. I've been rebuffed too many times to be coming on to him regularly...it's too painful.
About the "manual release" suggested earlier...tried that too. He is quite willing to please me (when we get down to it), but what really bothered me was that he could be holding and caressing me like that and NOT be turned on in ANY way himself. I think I died a silent death that day...
I think we need actual sex counselling. Homework and the like. Problem is, as far as I know there's no one in our town who does that.
Okay, after breakfast if I don't strap on my Molly Maid personae and clean this place, I'll post some of the good stuff!
Shiny, it is funny because I hear this scenario a lot. I sometimes think I would trade places and have H at home, rather then have him still wanting to Ml with me. The man has never stopped being attracted to me and wanting to ML. I went on strike for 3 mos(went dark) and he intiated the 1st Ml session after that. The man is truly confusing!
Your question may be..How can we have such a wonderful m and no ml? My question is...How can we be separated and don't know where our M is and he is still so attracted to me and Ml is wonderful!?
Slowly 
He has unrealistic goals at times and then gets disappointed when he doesnt meet them. So glad to catch up a little- are you in a rut? do something different? LOL
...but we wound up with a nice Burnt Maple leaf red (must get the proper name) 2004 Pontiac Sunfire (4-door, I must be able to see out the back and the sportier 2-door won't allow it).
