It's really a mindset, isn't it? Do I want to be in a relationship? Do I want to explore the possibility of being in a relationship? Do I want to run screaming in the other direction like my hair is on fire?
If you have the attitude above you will certainly fail. If you are optimistic and patient you will eventually find someone who will love you and treat you way better than your exh ever did. That I can promise you.
It's really a mindset, isn't it? Do I want to be in a relationship? Do I want to explore the possibility of being in a relationship? Do I want to run screaming in the other direction like my hair is on fire? Do I want to walk barefoot over broken glass? I mean, what are my choices here on the island of misfit toys?
I'm thankful that I felt over my marriage when I started dating (thanks to the previous years of DBing, reconciliation and then reversal) and that an intact sex drive meant I wasn't willing to sit on the sidelines. Although I've had adventures and lots of ups and downs in my dating life since my divorce, I wouldn't trade it for having sat out on the sidelines all those years.
But dating is just that - dating. You don't have to make a commitment to anyone. You don't have to get involved with anyone you don't want to. Don't be afraid to just dip your toe in the waters before you decide if dating is for you or not.
But dating is just that - dating. You don't have to make a commitment to anyone. You don't have to get involved with anyone you don't want to. Don't be afraid to just dip your toe in the waters before you decide if dating is for you or not.
Licking the frosting doesn't mean you have to eat the whole cake...enjoy the frosting!
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
LH you've said here many times over the years that you really don't like my exh, so from your perspective I'm sure you'd think just about anyone would treat me better
... and you're right - he was miserable to live with at times, the last two years especially, and easy to track against his rising TSH levels.
Although in all fairness, I have to say the most romantic date I've ever been on was with him on our 19th wedding anniversary. That is a cherished memory, untarnished by anything, including his most monstrous post BD behavior. A guy's gonna have to go far to beat that date.
Kml in reading your posts over the years I've always had the impression that you were well and truly done and ready for your exh to go at the time of your D. I'm sure that made it much easier for you to date quickly. We all know that was not my experience.
I'm still treating online as a social experiment. I'm still taking extreme care in vetting potentials. Since I don't really care all that much one way or the I can afford to be picky, and if a guy I'm interested in doesn't return the interest, truly no harm, no foul.
Regarding frosting - not all frosting is tasty. It's got to be worthwhile to take in those extra calories.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
had a conversation yesterday with my cousin nearest in age to me --- he's now mid-60s. He's always loved the ladies, and has the charming personality to be successful with pretty much any woman he wanted. Imagine my surprise when he said at this point he's not all that interested - she's got to be beautiful to really inspire him because he's got a lot more interesting things he'd rather spend his time on.
AND! he said that is par for the course for most people he's talked to who are his age.
Something for all of us to look forward to???
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
LH you've said here many times over the years that you really don't like my exh, so from your perspective I'm sure you'd think just about anyone would treat me better
Think that was his point behind with LH's promise lol
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Although in all fairness, I have to say the most romantic date I've ever been on was with him on our 19th wedding anniversary. That is a cherished memory, untarnished by anything, including his most monstrous post BD behavior. A guy's gonna have to go far to beat that date.
Wonder if his personality that leant to making such a romantic date led him to being a cheater, or if they're completely unrelated. Just a thought...
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Regarding frosting - not all frosting is tasty. It's got to be worthwhile to take in those extra calories.
Fondant makes for some incredible-looking cakes, but doesn't taste all that well. If we can apply that analogy to OLD.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
had a conversation yesterday with my cousin nearest in age to me --- he's now mid-60s. He's always loved the ladies, and has the charming personality to be successful with pretty much any woman he wanted. Imagine my surprise when he said at this point he's not all that interested - she's got to be beautiful to really inspire him because he's got a lot more interesting things he'd rather spend his time on.
AND! he said that is par for the course for most people he's talked to who are his age.
Something for all of us to look forward to???
So have a kid or two, get divorced, then close off and live alone in the later years? Doesn't sound great.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
LH you've said here many times over the years that you really don't like my exh, so from your perspective I'm sure you'd think just about anyone would treat me better
Think that was his point behind with LH's promise lol
perhaps. perhaps not.
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Although in all fairness, I have to say the most romantic date I've ever been on was with him on our 19th wedding anniversary. That is a cherished memory, untarnished by anything, including his most monstrous post BD behavior. A guy's gonna have to go far to beat that date.
Wonder if his personality that leant to making such a romantic date led him to being a cheater, or if they're completely unrelated. Just a thought...
keep thinking. and the answer is NO.
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Regarding frosting - not all frosting is tasty. It's got to be worthwhile to take in those extra calories.
Fondant makes for some incredible-looking cakes, but doesn't taste all that well. If we can apply that analogy to OLD.
perhaps. perhaps not.
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by bttrfly
had a conversation yesterday with my cousin nearest in age to me --- he's now mid-60s. He's always loved the ladies, and has the charming personality to be successful with pretty much any woman he wanted. Imagine my surprise when he said at this point he's not all that interested - she's got to be beautiful to really inspire him because he's got a lot more interesting things he'd rather spend his time on.
AND! he said that is par for the course for most people he's talked to who are his age.
Something for all of us to look forward to???
So have a kid or two, get divorced, then close off and live alone in the later years? Doesn't sound great.
You're either being deliberately obtuse BL or completely missing the point.
Last edited by DnJ; 02/15/2310:29 PM. Reason: Corrected quote syntax.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
