(((Ginger))) Worse than being single is being with the wrong person. There is someone out there for you…he’s just taking the scenic route on his way to meet you. Keep putting yourself out there. Go out with your friends. Have some fun. It will happen eventually. (((Hugs)))
Is it "gaming the situation" to express your love to your partner? To show them that you value them? I think not.
You love your partner and express your love to them - not gaming You don't love your partner but still "express your love to them" - gaming
Which of these categories do you think the person who filled your room with balloons on Valentine's day falls into?
Originally Posted by Dawn70
Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think MLC was saying it is gaming to express love for a partner. I actually agree with most of what MLC said, though I would have phrased it differently. Does it really blow chunks that dudes strung G along and then only said I love you on Valentine's Day because it is somehow expected? Yes! She deserves better! Sadly though, I think many of us walk this fine line where we say Valentine's Day is so commercial and our partners should express love always, not just on some expected day because the calendar tells them too, but those same ones of us are the first to get hurt or complain when the partner lets the day go by unnoticed, with minimal effort, or with "common" expressions like flowers and candy. Now, I'm not saying G did anything wrong in her situation. She had guys that were @$$hats. To MLC's point, though, if her XH or boyfriend had been gaming her and said I love you earlier just because she wanted to hear it, is that really any different than being expected to say it on Valentine's Day?
Sparky and I celebrated Valentine's Day over the weekend. We had a fun outing. Sunday he cooked me a delicious meal and we watched a romantic comedy. Last night, we had no plans to celebrate, but last minute, we got off work at the same time so went to a local restaurant for supper before heading home. I had a small present for him that is something he can use for work....no candy or huge expressions of love. He didn't have anything for me and I truly didn't expect him to because we'd already celebrated over the weekend and we'd spent money on things we both wanted. I only had a present for him because it was something I had ordered that I knew he needed for work and it happened to arrive Friday. But here's the REAL romance in our life to me. I had not slept well Sunday night into Monday morning. In fact, I was awake from midnight until nearly 5:00 am, so all night, basically. So, last night, after we got home from our impromptu supper date (I was starving and had not eaten lunch at work because I was super busy, so I wanted to eat in town so I didn't have to wait until I got home and cook something....I was hangry! LOL), we chatted about our days, plans for the week, etc. Then, knowing that I had not slept the night before and was tired and a little down, he suggested we go to bed early and just watch tv or read or whatever. I knew if I tried to read I would be out pretty quick, so I said tv was fine. (Yes, we watch a lot of tv...it is what it is.) That precious man, sat there and let me curl up with my head in his lap, he tucked me in good with my sable soft blanket that he bought me for my birthday 2 years ago (a GREAT gift because I love me some cozy blankets), and he rubbed my back until I fell asleep and then just sat and watched tv for awhile and continued rubbing my back even after I was out just to make sure I stayed asleep and was getting some rest. Now, THAT, my friends, is the romance I'm looking for. I love getting cut flowers (yes, I said it and I'm so tired of everyone who acts like you are somehow dooming the planet if you like cut flowers) and candy (I'm a fat girl...duh!) and cards are always a treasure, but a man who will just BE in the moment with you and relax and take care of you.....THAT is romance. It doesn't have to be all wine and roses, which again, is the point that I interpreted from MLC's comments. It is the little things for me. The first year we were together, Sparky bought me a rather expensive Kurt Adler nutcracker for Christmas. He has quietly and without my saying anything beyond expressing my gratitude for the gifts and admiring how unique they are, bought me a different and unusual nutcracker for Christmas every year since. The first one was unique to us in that it featured a prominent "character" that plays into an inside joke we share that always makes us both laugh. This year's addition to the collection was from the local dollar store, but Sparky spent time looking at them and shopping at several places before he settled on that one for very specific reasons. Might not seem like much to some, but means the world to me. As far as cut flowers, I didn't get any for Valentine's day, but I get them on random days of the week just because Sparky went in a store and saw some and thought of me. He's definitely a keeper!
Sorry for the long hijack, but G, I'm so sorry you have had crappy Valentine's Day experiences. I hope you have the one you deserve at some point.
Well stated, Dawn!
In some ways real romance is your partner accepting you for who you are and doing things that they know will make you happy. They do things for you not because they want to 'work on making the relationship better', but for the simple reason that they are happy to see you happy!
Which of these categories do you think the person who filled your room with balloons on Valentine's day falls into?
Truthfully? As messed up as he was, that gesture was actually genuine - for both of us women! He was actually a caring, generous person who often did nice things for other people without looking for reward. When he wasn't in one of his crazy dysphoric manic episodes. He knew the stories about the crappy Valentine's Days with my ex and decided to do something really nice for me. He just then decided that he'd spread the love around to his other chick as well! But his whole life had been such a mess from not being properly diagnosed and treated for his mental illness, he had developed a lot of dysfunctional ways of surviving. I feel sorry for him, not angry. However I do not want him back in my life, even though he has huge regrets. He's kinda like Kanye with Kim these days, so I'm careful to be a grey rock.
(btw the other woman is a nice person and she had a much tougher time of it because she knew some things about me, while I didn't even know she existed. She also had breast cancer during the time they were together.)
However I do not want him back in my life, even though he has huge regrets. He's kinda like Kanye with Kim these days, so I'm careful to be a grey rock.
He sent you a truck full of roses?
Surprised that public drama hasn't cropped up here sooner. I feel for him in terms of the breakup of his family and W's public affair, but he certainly isn't stopping pressure/pursuit or dropping the rope.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
He's badly bipolar and seriously putting Pete Davidson's life at risk with his nonsense. I feel bad for Kanye too - he's definitely mentally ill - and I don't really blame him for not wanting to be replaced by Pete Davidson or wanting his kids to be around any brand new boyfriend (6 months is a good rule for a reason). But his public proclamations are dangerous and unsettling. There's a real danger that one of his fans might decide to take Pete Davidson out.
