BL- I haven’t spoken with him about it. We might be able to play nice together, but he is incredibly stingy. If we split an expense it’s literally down to the penny. If we take our daughter out to eat for a special occasion, he makes sure to split that bill right down the middle. He has never given so much as an extra penny to me. He’s cheap AF. So he will not do anything out of the generosity of his own heart.
D- I am going to work on becoming more vulnerable. I am someone who used to wear their heart on their sleeve, but not even . I would tell you how I feel about something outside of me, but not inside of me, if that makes any sense. When I have gotten close to being vulnerable to any romantic partner, I’ve been dismissed. I am going to try to do more for myself , my mental and physical health. I do make it to the gym 3-4 times a week even with my crazy schedule. Booking a massage Friday or Monday. It’s something . And thank you. Thank you for your kind words.
The guy I went out with last Wednesday actually texted me Saturday. We chatted for a while. No mention of another date, although a comment about how he was scanning pictures ( his mother very recently died and he’s going through her stuff) and he said “good, because I have 1000’!” Then nothing after Saturday. It’s kind of weird. I’m just going to leave it alone.
I’ve been chatting with a new guy. Found me on FB dating which I also don’t know how to turn off, so I can’t help but look. It’s been a very different experience. Lots of chat/text, not one inappropriate thing said. He seems to think I am the cat’s meow, lol. I think he is very shy though and doesn’t date much, and it may take him a while to actually ask for a date. I am ver attracted to his his pictures. He lives about 20 min away and has a really good job and does not live with his parents, his daughters are 19 and 20 and away at school. No clue where this will go.
I’ve been wanting to take a mental health day at work , but if I do , I risk losing OT. I like my OT. I might do it this week though since it’s out of last weeks pay period . I don’t have any OT until the 26th which is in next pay period. So I might call out Thursday and have a “me” day My dad is paying for kitchen counters and backsplash to be done which I am very grateful for. It’s the last thing that needs to be done in my hkme and will increase the value and look really nice. I have a coworkers husband who is doing the backsplash and he’s only charging me on days labor. I’m going to go shopping on my day off for tiles. And another day off for the counters .there is a warehouse my cousin used where it’s nearly at cost. I’m also going to paint a piece of furniture in my living room that needs some major updating. Some projects to keep my occupied because I stopped eating and drinking alcohol after dinner. I have to keep busy!
I would tell you how I feel about something outside of me, but not inside of me, if that makes any sense.
Thank you for sharing that.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
When I have gotten close to being vulnerable to any romantic partner, I’ve been dismissed.
I am sorry. You must feel such a need to protect yourself after such experience.
I am interested in your meaning of outside of me feelings vs inside of me feelings. If you don’t mind exploring that with me.
I am thinking it’s like how we protect our heart, our deep self after such hurtful experiences. You share and discuss surface emotions, which are real and valid, yet hold back from the deeper belief-based part of who you are.
I find, “feelings inside of me” falls into the convictions and belief category. They are most definitely meaningful emotions; and they are serious thoughts; and something else, something more. A faith, a direction, a purpose. The very tenets that strengthen a relationship or bond. I suspect a life long friend and you understand each other pretty well. Similar values and beliefs are what make a life long friendship so lasting.
If I may - and you can probably see how vulnerable and open I am being, how easy it would be for you to dismiss what I say - If I may, do forgo the surface telling of how you feel outside of yourself, and lead with your inner convictions.
Many good things happen when one speaks of their values. Of primary importance - you are listening. You reinforce and encourage yourself and your values.
You inspire those around you.
You gain likeminded fellowship; kindred spirits of similar deeply held views.
The very act of being open, leading with yourself, produces something truly amazing. Being vulnerable not only encourages empathetic response, it provides you a strength of conviction. Believing in yourself is an incredible armour. It’s an odd and highly counterintuitive place - vulnerable and assured. I’ve found the strongest place to stand is with one foot on each side.
Vulnerable is being open to potentially hurtful dismissive words and/or behaviour. Vulnerable is also being open to the greatness and joy life has to offer. If one walls up their heart from the hurt, they unintentional walled themselves up from the goodness.
You don’t be vulnerable to get hurt. You be vulnerable to be strong and full of joy and life.
I seemed to have got rambling a bit. My apologizes. This is not my thread and I should not be lecturing. Please, let me know your view. I am most interested.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
BL- I haven’t spoken with him about it. We might be able to play nice together, but he is incredibly stingy. If we split an expense it’s literally down to the penny. If we take our daughter out to eat for a special occasion, he makes sure to split that bill right down the middle. He has never given so much as an extra penny to me. He’s cheap AF. So he will not do anything out of the generosity of his own heart.
D- I am going to work on becoming more vulnerable. I am someone who used to wear their heart on their sleeve, but not even . I would tell you how I feel about something outside of me, but not inside of me, if that makes any sense. When I have gotten close to being vulnerable to any romantic partner, I’ve been dismissed. I am going to try to do more for myself , my mental and physical health. I do make it to the gym 3-4 times a week even with my crazy schedule. Booking a massage Friday or Monday. It’s something . And thank you. Thank you for your kind words.
The guy I went out with last Wednesday actually texted me Saturday. We chatted for a while. No mention of another date, although a comment about how he was scanning pictures ( his mother very recently died and he’s going through her stuff) and he said “good, because I have 1000’!” Then nothing after Saturday. It’s kind of weird. I’m just going to leave it alone.
I’ve been chatting with a new guy. Found me on FB dating which I also don’t know how to turn off, so I can’t help but look. It’s been a very different experience. Lots of chat/text, not one inappropriate thing said. He seems to think I am the cat’s meow, lol. I think he is very shy though and doesn’t date much, and it may take him a while to actually ask for a date. I am ver attracted to his his pictures. He lives about 20 min away and has a really good job and does not live with his parents, his daughters are 19 and 20 and away at school. No clue where this will go.
I’ve been wanting to take a mental health day at work , but if I do , I risk losing OT. I like my OT. I might do it this week though since it’s out of last weeks pay period . I don’t have any OT until the 26th which is in next pay period. So I might call out Thursday and have a “me” day My dad is paying for kitchen counters and backsplash to be done which I am very grateful for. It’s the last thing that needs to be done in my hkme and will increase the value and look really nice. I have a coworkers husband who is doing the backsplash and he’s only charging me on days labor. I’m going to go shopping on my day off for tiles. And another day off for the counters .there is a warehouse my cousin used where it’s nearly at cost. I’m also going to paint a piece of furniture in my living room that needs some major updating. Some projects to keep my occupied because I stopped eating and drinking alcohol after dinner. I have to keep busy!
Ah the old I don’t know how to shut it off excuse. What does Einstein say about the definition of insanity? Is shy and timid your taste in men?
BL- I haven’t spoken with him about it. We might be able to play nice together, but he is incredibly stingy. If we split an expense it’s literally down to the penny. If we take our daughter out to eat for a special occasion, he makes sure to split that bill right down the middle. He has never given so much as an extra penny to me. He’s cheap AF. So he will not do anything out of the generosity of his own heart.
That's a shame. Seems fair that if you're caring for your (his!) daughter a majority of the time he'd chip in more than $88/week. That must be tough.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I’ve been chatting with a new guy. Found me on FB dating which I also don’t know how to turn off, so I can’t help but look. It’s been a very different experience. Lots of chat/text, not one inappropriate thing said. He seems to think I am the cat’s meow, lol. I think he is very shy though and doesn’t date much, and it may take him a while to actually ask for a date. I am ver attracted to his his pictures. He lives about 20 min away and has a really good job and does not live with his parents, his daughters are 19 and 20 and away at school. No clue where this will go.
Could you make the first move and ask him out? I'm new to the post-D dating scene, so maybe that's not the socially acceptable move, but if he thinks you're the cat's meow" and you're "very attracted" to his pictures, what's the hold up?
I hadn't heard of FB dating...thoughts? Curious from the female perspective your preferred OLD apps?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
My dad is paying for kitchen counters and backsplash to be done which I am very grateful for. It’s the last thing that needs to be done in my hkme and will increase the value and look really nice. I have a coworkers husband who is doing the backsplash and he’s only charging me on days labor. I’m going to go shopping on my day off for tiles. And another day off for the counters .there is a warehouse my cousin used where it’s nearly at cost.
Good luck w/the house projects!
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
FaceBook Dating is accessed with the FB phone app. It’s free and is pretty easy to fill out. I’ve chatted with a few people on there but not gone out with anyone. It has a funny feature where you can indicate you have a crush on one of you FB friends. If you check it off, it sends your secret crush a message that someone likes them but doesn’t reveal the identity of that person unless they sign on to FB dating and indicate a secret crush on you. At least that is how I understand it works. I haven’t used that feature. It will also tell you if you have any mutual friends with profiles that you see. Definitely a low pressure app for the person who isn’t sure they want to wade into the deep end of OLD.
G… I agree with BL. You should just ask the guy out. Doesn’t have to be anything formal. It could be as simple as, “I have to take my dog for a walk tomorrow afternoon. Wanna come along?” If he can’t, he may just take that as an opportunity to say, “I can’t tomorrow but how about next week?” I find middle aged guys are a lot less sure of themselves than one would think and just need a little bit of encouragement to get the ball rolling. Hope you get to meet him IRL soon!!!
I have actually initiated the first date many times. I have already said “ I’m really looking forward to meeting you”. I just don’t want to do anymore than that. When abs if he is ready, he knows I’m interested in meeting him. He will pull the trigger or he won’t.
I have been for quick meetings thinking that is the best. But I also realize I haven’t connected with any of these guys prior so there wasn’t anything to feed off of when we met and it was nearly totally blind. I think it’s better to build a little something before hand.
I went out with a coworker last night who is in her late 50’s and single. She raised her 2 sons with barely any help from her ex husband. She has dated a lot. She had some relationships. But she is pretty single. And she is very active and attractive and fun . She puts herself out there all the time. She will dive out by herself every night , sit at the bar and have a drink. She confessed to me that at the end of the day it makes her sad that she doesn’t have the one she can count on. I completely feel her and I actually did become vulnerable with her. I realize it is hard for me to share my struggles with those who never lived them. It’s easier with someone who has.
I was off today and I didn’t want to be productive. I didn’t want to do anything. I took a huge nap in the middle of the day and it was glorious. I did end up going to Costco eventually and I didn’t even cook. I picked up chik fil A for her and cava for me . And I don’t regret it.
Tomorrow the counter people are coming to measure and give an estimate. School has been cancelled …grrrrr…… and we will both be home, but she’s with her dad this weekend. Im going to go shopping for my back splash, and get ready for a weekend if 10 hour days of work. Yay.
I gotta say, I like the way my paycheck looked today. But I just can’t sustain this for the long run
Wow. Your friend is so brave. Not sure I could sit at a bar by myself and have a drink. I’ve done dinner on my own but I would feel like I was giving out the wrong vibe at a bar solo. Has she met anyone interesting that way?
I agree with you on letting something build first. I don’t like to wait too long to meet someone but you are right, if you meet them right away, it can feel like a very blind date and you really have no idea who you are meeting. I texted casually with Jack for at least six weeks before we met. I think if I hadn’t done that, he is so quiet when you meet him that I likely would not have gone out with him a second time. But I knew he was pretty witty and fun so it worked out…at least as well as it was meant to.
Anyway…hopefully he pulls the trigger soon and asks you out. Regardless…sounds like you are keeping yourself busy and also taking some time to relax when you need to. Hope your ten hour days aren’t too painful. (((HUGS)))
Wow. Your friend is so brave. Not sure I could sit at a bar by myself and have a drink. I’ve done dinner on my own but I would feel like I was giving out the wrong vibe at a bar solo.
That’s exactly the vibe I was getting. Now this friend could be very nice and normal but right or wrong there’s a stereotype of the type of woman that goes and sits at a bar by herself. Maybe that says more about me than her but I hear you Deja I got an immediate uneasy feeling reading she does that. Now occasionally while traveling or something, yeah I get it. But, well I’ve made the point.
Now asking the guy out - it doesn’t happen very often but I am totally flattered when it does and am likeky to accept even if I was not considering asking her out. I’d figure anyone doing that deserves at least a chance. If you ask him out, even very casually he is very likely to accept.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Don let’s just remember all the work G did around NOT doing all the work in a relationship. She’s already made it very clear she’s looking forward to meeting him, if he’s not interested enough/ brave enough to walk through that door once she’s opened it wide then he might not be the one for her.
Don let’s just remember all the work G did around NOT doing all the work in a relationship. She’s already made it very clear she’s looking forward to meeting him, if he’s not interested enough/ brave enough to walk through that door once she’s opened it wide then he might not be the one for her.
Exactly this. This is why I’m not asking him out. I always do all the work. I don’t want to anymore! I did open the door. Ball is in his court right now. I’m patient to see what he does with it.
My friend who sits at bars herself……. It’s usually after work dinner and a drink for herself. She’s made friends with most of the bartenders. She usually always sees a friend she knows there. Men sit there all the time alone and have a drink and dinner, why can’t women? I’ve done it a few times before. After work on a Friday I was hungry and thirsty sans child. It’s not my favorite thing to do though.
Another coworker invited me to this singles night ax throwing. I’ve only ever been to that place in a date. 3-4 of us single ladies from work are going to go. Should be fun !
