Got to stamp your post to my forehead, robx! I wish I hadn't done so much arguing and pleading (during my pregancy and post birth of our baby..7 months of pathetic neediness). Is there any way to 'undo' all that??
robx has it right on his advice to you.
If you toss him aside you will gain his respect. Respect is built when a person takes a stand for themselves regardless of what's going on. When you stand up and claim your right to be happy, claim your right to be with someone who will love and respect you, claim your right not to be a doormat or treated with such disrespect, then you gain people's respect.
But the most important outcome of doing this is - YOU GAIN BACK RESPECT FOR YOURSELF. And that trumps everything else.
Piano -
"It's obvious you are a person who would walk away from his responsibilities. You father children with me and then just walk away based on how you feel rather than doing what's right based on the responsibilities you have created.
You are not the kind of man I want to be with and you are not the kind of person I want in my life. You have a right to do whatever you want to do, but I have a right to chose what is healthy for me. I have no respect for a person who can do what you're doing and acting so selfishly.
I deserve better than that and so do my children. I do not want them modeling such irresponsible behavior."
My WH takes his plane tomorrow for his country of origin where he will be shaking up with OW, leaving me and 3 month old behind.
He left me a note today asking me to forgive him for what he did to me and us.
Do I reply?
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
If your wife filed for d then you busted the a and she imeadely started seeing a new man is there any reason to give her the goodby speach. I just do not contact her except kid related things. It really makes no since to me to contact her and tell her she's free she filed for the d and we don't have contact I counterd sued for d and started a custody fight 10 days after discovering the a I ask her one time the night she dropped the d bomb on me about mc we have not discussed the r not one time I have not begged or pleaded. I did spy on her to catch her with him with my kids there. No longer do that. Is this detaching or the next time we speak and she gets off the subject of kids then do I give her the speech. She's living it up and I think she releases she's free just not sure but I know right now the less contact I have with her the better I like it. I think I will try the phone coaching next week to get someone who has a better understanding to give me some insight.
Last edited by 40andsadintexas; 08/22/1005:48 AM.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
It's not "detaching" to allow your wife to commit adultery in front of your own children. It's just FOOLISH. So PROTECT THOSE KIDS, first and foremost, by laying out some boundaries.
Having done that, then yeah, just let her go, in the manner in which Gucci explains in this thread.
Puppy I am doing every thing I can to get custody and put a stop to it. She has the attitude that she can do whatever she wants and the courts will not do anything about it. My lawyer keeps telling me to be pacient we will get them. Wednesday when I found out that om2 has criminal record we have set some things in motion to speed the process up. I have no problem being hard and firm with her I exposed her first affair so she dumped him and started a new one that she is not hiding from kids or parents. Any ideals on how to set boundaries she has no remorse or regrets I am willing to try if you have any ideals I have read many of your post and really like no bs approach but she is in the drivers seat and I have nothing to hold over her I was a doormat for 13 years since the d bomb my 180 has been to not be her doormat Please hit me with a 2 x 4 if I need it.
Last edited by 40andsadintexas; 08/22/1003:07 PM.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
I really was a jerk for the majority of our marriage. When she dropped the bomb it was a sledge hammer between the eyes and woke me up to the fact I was a jerk. I started working on myself and really started learning how to Love her and myself.
During this time she was and is going at one night a week and not coming home till 2:30 to 3pm. She started a new job in June and is working 3 nights to 4 nights per week. She would also go out 1 night and was starting to stay out later and later. 4 4:30, 4:45. The last time she did I had someone check up on her. She came home at 4am and lied to me about where she was. I didn't get mad and let her know that I new that didn't happen. She wasn't with anyone else. She just wants to do what she wants to do.
She told me how she felt I told her how I felt and she said "don't you think that this is the only way I can make you feel the way I felt all those years and get away from this.
She stated that she was afraid to tell me the truth. I told her I couldn't just be a babysitter anymore. She stated she didn't care and said she was done last year. She expects me to separate and divorce her. I finally had to admit to myself I needed to give her what she wants and I'm moving out in two weeks.
Yesterday she asked me if I was going to get her a newer car than she had and I told her no. Later in the day she handed me insurance cards we just switched to her insurance 6 weeks ago. I told her I didn't need them. She looked at me and said " so your not staying on my insurance."
I hurt her over the years. I've apologized and made amends. She is very hurt. I can no longer stay and be the baby sitter. I plan on moving out and separating. I don't want a divorce.
I would appreciate any advice. My thoughts are to give her what she wants. Separation and divorce even though thats not what I want. I'm already leaving. Is it dumb to set a goal of going out on a date.
JTJ
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
