Offhand, I don't remember when your BD was. By reading your post, it sounds like it may have been more recently that you learned about your W's struggles. The card incident was purely the 'straw that broke the camels back'. If it weren't the card, it would've been something else that set her off. My BD was just over a year ago and I still have tough days (including today). I've learned so much and I'm not going to lie, I still feel at a loss at some point in most days. Still struggling to drop the rope and let him be God's to work through. It's hard to stop loving someone you've loved everyday for decades...and, mostly to stop loving them like we have for decades. Loving my H now is from afar. I love him by giving him space while watching him drink and use and in deep depression - but I've learned through trials and errors that I can't help him. It hurts to watch but know that it isn't your fight. It isn't your battle. I try to read about MLC and expected behaviors. That helps me realize that what he's going through is 'normal'. I also have signed onto many Instagramers who preach and explain bible verses. They inspire me and get me through. Taking walks with or without dogs help. Breathing fresh air is actually refreshing...really odd to think but these things work for me. I even got a second job just to get out of the house (and my head).

I'm so sorry you're in this position. I'm sending prayers your way.