I made a new post and i wanted to include it here in case people only read or follow this original post.
(Merged posts into original thread. - DnJ)
I've read all the info on what im feeling and I know its a terrible idea but I feel like im on a icy hill and as hard as im fighting these feelings i feel like im sliding into contacting my wife to change her mind. stupid I know! I can almost guarantee she would reject me which would cause me more pain. I feel weak for even thinking this. my wife called me yesterday about how i would start our lawn mower thats old and hard to start for the first time of the season. she and her son couldnt get it going. I wanted to tell her its not my problem anymore but i told her what i would do but that didnt work for them. she complained that she broke a nail and it was bleeding trying to start it.
It was my wifes daughters birthday party that my daughter couldnt go to like she has for the past 5 yrs. My stepdaughter would invite a few friends over and it would be a lot of games and a sleepover. I felt sad for my daughter who missed it.
I did another stupid thing by looking at a years worth of texting between me and my wife. I think i was looking for clues to when things went south and also to feel her words again when we were happy and loving to each other. no one saw this divorce coming and she was texting me right up to the day before she said she was divorcing me. writing this now i feel that those were just words and not true actions of love, i guess.
maybe im wanting to get rejected by her so i can see her true self again. none of her actions make sense no one can understand why she is divorcing me and how she is doing it so quick and easy. i feel like me and my daughter were thrown away like trash. my councilor gave me some encouragement that im the one acting normal and my wife is the one acting strangely. my councilor cant make sense of my wifes actions either. How my wife could say that we were fine and even have sex with me 2 days before she dropped the bomb on me makes no sense. its like she snapped her fingers and changed into someone else. I miss our family and i miss her, the her i fell in love with not the cruel monster that she turned into. I believed in us 100% and i trusted her 100% when she told me over and over again that we would grow old together.
