i talked with my councilor on monday and we discussed how unsentimental she is. i can understand her not wanting pictures of us together but its like she wants no memory of us at all. how can you be with someone for over 5 yrs and not feel any sort of loss or sadness. i dont want to be with the person she is right now but i still love and will miss the person i fell in love with and married. if i could show how many cards and letters she wrote me over the 5 years up to 2 months before she said she was divorcing me it would be a small book of how i was her rock and how much love she had for me. how does that just disappear?
Disappear is pretty apt.
Her feelings, the love, is being buried by her. She is wilfully and unsentimentally removing things and people from her life. All in an attempt to ease whatever suffering she feels.
Disappeared, not destroyed.
However, any possible reappearance is quite a ways down the road. She has a journey ahead of her. So do you. Like we all do.
Thing is, for now, W is adamantly professing her lack of feelings and her rewriting of your shared history. You know better. Remember your history, and realize her current feelings are her current viewpoint. And you cannot control her feelings or how she views things or recalls things.
Her justifications and blames directed at you are not accurate. Certainly, there is stuff you could have done better and things you fell short on. Own them. Grow from them.
However, there is also plenty that W is crafting and outright making up to justify her choice.
Along with all that, you are looking fondly at your history, while she is looking non-favourably. Removing your rose coloured glasses will help you. For example:
Originally Posted by aphexx13
she also claimed i isolated her because of jealousy. thats not a fact i never had a problem with her hanging out with her friends. i was jealous over the amount of quality time she gave one of her male friends. she would go out to dinner with him he would pay and then they would hang out listening to music in her or his car for like 6 hrs they bonded over the same music taste.
she quit hanging out with him as much and blamed me because she didnt want to hear me complain.
Dinner and then six hours hanging out listening to music seems excessive, and a red flag truth be told.
Looking less fondly at things will allow you to see more clearly. Be cautious not to lean or twist to the other end of the spectrum either. Reality is usually somewhere in the middle.
