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Just some words from me. Like my 2 cents. Or maybe 4. The odd post has been known to get long. At any rate, I’d be remiss to not speak up and I respect you too much to let that happen.
Alcoholism is a disease. Alcoholics are suffering from a progressive, and sadly, often fatal disease.
Realize it’s not a matter of morality. Near 100% of alcoholics know right from wrong. And if knowing the difference between right and wrong could solve their problem, then they would have been “cured” ages ago.
Their need for a drink is beyond their ability to control. It would be like telling someone with diabetes to just try harder at not having diabetes. It doesn’t make sense and they wouldn’t be able to do it no matter how hard they tried.
Alcoholics feel a lot of shame and being lost. And most talks about their problem come at things from a poor angle which has little chance of success.
Resentment, fear, anger, jealousy, denial, dishonesty, and codependency - are just a few of the hallmarks of alcoholism. Alcoholism is contagious. No, you don’t catch it. Alcoholism, the disease, will absorb everything and everyone around it. And it can take you down too. You build up resentment, anger, fear, and such.
Family and friends begin to interact with the alcoholic in the same way the alcoholic interacts with booze. And just like the alcoholic is powerless over alcohol, the family is powerless over the disease of alcoholism in their loved one. The addiction for the family becomes trying to control or save the alcoholic.
Alcoholism is not rational. You cannot rationalize with it, and you cannot change it.
Yet, you are not without options and perhaps influence. Knowledge, learning of the disease and how better to interact with the alcoholic. Reaching out to support groups, as a family member. Having professional intervention, a trained qualified third party talk to W. (Sometimes that outside push from a non family member, from someone who has walk a mile in her shoes, starts the change within her.) Offer to drive, and hopefully actually drive, W to and from her meetings or appointments or whatever positive counselling she is attending. And such.
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I don't want D. but There comes a point when you have to do something even if you don't want to.
