Birthday’s, Christmas, Valentines, and so on, stir up lots of emotions. The first year is quite difficult; with each one being a brand new experience.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
got her a card and flowers for her birthday trying to cheer her up.
W’s birthday is tomorrow. Did you give them to her early? If not, do not.
If you are going to recognize her birthday only get a generic card. Nothing mushy or romantic. And no flowers!!
She is going to push back against any relationship pressure. And love and flowers is some big time pressure (as well as seen as begging and pleading).
Take D10 to the store and let her pick out something for Mom (stepmom). No gift from you.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
we haven't told the kids yet until i find a place.
What’s going on aph?
Why are you moving out?
Whose idea is it for you to move out?
I think you and W have no kids, just kids from previous marriages, so no custody issues. However, moving out is usually ill advised.
Do you joint own the house? Or is it her’s? Or do you two rent?
Speak with a lawyer before doing anything major like moving out. Ensure you know your rights, liabilities, and obligations.
The usual advice is for the LBS to remain in the house and the in MBR. The leaving spouse is the one stepping outside of the marriage. They are the one to leave bedroom and/or house, if one has too.
You are on two paths - the emotional healing path, and the business path. Keep them separate.
Regarding the business side. My advice is: If you need financial protection and/or security, then get it. Otherwise, let W do the heavy lifting.
Do speak to a lawyer. And soon. This is only for information gathering. To learn and understand your rights, and know where you legally stand. One’s actions can have legal repercussions. Knowledge is power! And to be forewarned is to be forearmed.
Having a list of questions written down for the L is a good idea, as they seem to vaporize while in such a meeting under these emotional times. Speak with several lawyers and find one you are comfortable with.
Folks do tend to wait too long before seeking legal understanding in my opinion. In your situation, do you have a will? Is W the primary beneficiary? What about your ten year old daughter? Is she provided for? Is there any arrangements for a trust? Who is listed as trustee until she is of age? (By the way, you don’t have to share any answers you don’t wish to. It’s mostly to get you thinking about the vast legal landscape.)
