im failing miserably. my wifes birthday is tomorrow and she is emotional because her brother passed away a few days after her birthday 2 yrs ago and she still struggles with it. i gave her a hug tonight and got her a card and flowers for her birthday trying to cheer her up. i feel like im digging a deeper hole and pushing her away further. I feel like a idiot right now
You're not an idiot. Birthdays, holidays, etc suck. I'm officially divorced, living separately, etc, and XW's birthday is in a few days. Acknowledging it hasn't even crossed my mind until now. But 5% of me wonders if I should get her a simple card or something, as a gift from our son. I won't though.
I gotta ask, why in the hell are you still allowing her to sleep with you in the marital bed? That should be step #1. Since she no longer honors your wedding vows, she has to sleep elsewhere.
Secondly, and maybe I missed it, but why are YOU moving out? DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE! If you do, you can almost certainly forget about getting equal custody.
As others have said, and I"m sure you've read, you cannot 'nice' her back. Even subconsciously, every 'nice' attempt you make is likely driving her farther away and making her lose more respect from you.
