Echoing others -- essential that you get immediate support for your self-harm thoughts. Right behind that that you should get more support for your panic attacks and anxiety. I've been there with you. When it seems that you can't possibly bear the suffocating pain anymore. But, I promise you that you can get to the other side. One breath, one step, one moment at a time.
You CAN handle this.
We will walk with you.
And there are a lot of other people who love you counting on you to do so, esp. your lil daughter.
Originally Posted by aphex
i only have my 88yr old mom left who is in bad health and my 10 yr old daughter left. my daughter is from another relationship. my daughter and stepdaughter are super close to me and each other. this is going to crush them.
to make things worse i have been on long term disability and only make 60% of my jobs salary. i feel like i cant afford to live now and i need major back surgery.
Do not try to talk your W out of anything. Agree with her 100% about the divorce.
In fact, take the lead on it. 'You know, W, this isn't working for me. I'm not really feeling it anymore watching crime shows with you. In fact, W, I'd like you to move out sooner than later (of the house or bedroom). This isn't really working for me anymore, and I need my space to work on myself the way you've been acting lately and how things are going. Can you please give me your lawyer's name? I have a lot to think about how I will move forward. And I'd like to share their contact info with my attorney. Thanks, I'd appreciate it."
If you have not already, get an attorney -- at least one that will give you a free consult. I know you have been through this before, but as you know you need to protect yourself, your mom, your daughter and stepdaughter.
You cannot let yourself be emotionally steamrolled by her or the situation. Step forward and take the reigns. Lead your own way forward.
Why are you watching a crime show with her when she is (mis)treating you this way? Do you have a boundary that you don't watch TV with people who are cheating on you and busting up your marriage.
When she says things to you like "Don't kill me because I'm divorcing you", it shows a lack of respect. Don't let yourself be disrespected like that -- telling her it is hurtful just reinforces in her the idea that she can walk all over you and you are weak.
Instead, laugh yourself at her hubris/crazy talk and say, hey this situation isn't working for me either. That SHE needs to go because you're just not into her anymore the way she is acting lately. Don't beg or grovel for anything. It's not attractive when your spouse is cheating on you. It's not acceptable. It doesn't work for YOU. It may seem counterintuitive, but it is essential that you enforce your boundary of not abiding someone cheating on you and uphold your value. You don't deserve to be treated like [censored] with no care for your feelings. You are worth so much more.
So long as she is in an affair or pursuing other relationships --
Agree and even LEAD on the divorce -- (or are you ok being married to someone who is cheating on you?)
work on getting her out of the bedroom or even better house / pursuing separate living arrangements where YOU stay n the marital bed
separate accounts, money, credit cards; cut off her access to anything that is yours
start working hardcore on yourself, in all ways that you can : physically (are you able to do any physical therapy or other chiro/acupuncture/pain management activities indicated for your back)?, emotionally, spiritually, mentally
Try to renew those old friendships and hobbies you left by the wayside when you married,
join meetup activity clubs
arrange fun/special outings with your daughter and stepdaughter
help your daughter and stepdaughter spend time with your mom and learn more about her like when she was younger
How do you spend a typical day or week now, given your disability and living arrangements?
