Jessie,

Until the OP is out of the picture, he is going to be bouncing around. Yes, he's home, but his words and actions may not appear to be in sync. The best thing you can do is to listen and do not make comments unless he asks for your comments and/or opinions. He is not baked yet. In my opinion, he still has a ways to go and if he is baiting you, he is looking for an excuse to leave again. Again, just listen. Sounds like he is just now going into a deeper depression and withdrawal. BTW, that is not acceptance.

Take a huge step back and allow him to figure things out. He needs to look within for that illusive happiness and the OP is nothing more than a band aid. Until he gives the OP up, he will be waffling. If he truly means that he is never leaving and wants to work on the marriage, then things will need to change with him and his actions. Always remember...actions speaker louder than words.

Continue as you have been. If he says that you have done something wrong, just say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and leave it be and walk away. Sounds like he is still trying to find some excuse to leave again.

Also, the stages and the descriptions of what happens are just a guide. Each person is unique, therefore their crisis will be unique for them. Some bounce back and forth for quite some time before they settle down into their own skins and that is when acceptance occurs. Others may run back up into the tunnel for security for a while longer. He has to figure himself out. I don't think he's done that yet. Step back, give him all of the space he needs. Live your life as if he is a roommate.

The process of being home and finally coming to the end of the crisis will take just as long as it took for him to entire into the crisis...approximately 12-18 months, or longer for some.

Keep the focus on you and allow the man upstairs to work on him.