I looked in his truck, and found the letter. I was snooping, and I have apologized to him for that. I was quite concerned that since he and I are still sexually active, he may not be forthcoming about his activity with her and I may become subject to some disease. Not that that's an excuse for snooping.
You apologized for what? Having a suspicion and finding exactly what you were looking for? PLEASE (and anyone else reading this) never ever apologize for finding proof of your suspicions! I hate when a cheater tries to turn the blame around on to a snooping spouse! That is just flat out wrong. It is never ever worse to snoop than it is to be cheating and the cause of the snooping!
Originally Posted by Rejoice
Yes, he's previously had an affair, over a decade ago. I was able to mostly overcome it as he was repentant and it was clear it was just a physical thing--it hurts much worse that he's emotionally involved with someone now, as weird as that is. And it hurts far worse than that, that he's determined to split up our family and hurt our children over this.
Rejoice, there is no way to put this. And so I am going to be blunt. There are two kinds of cheaters in my mind. One is an unhappy spouse that falls into another thing. (Note this does not make CHEATING RIGHT!) And then there are serial cheaters. Guess what the description of a serial cheater is? Someone that does it more than once. I am sorry to say that you may simply have a serial cheater here.
And likely his "it was only physical" last time was because the OW in that case made it clear that the affair would never go further than affair status. I am not a typical male, but I could never sleep with someone that I didn't have an emotional connection with. Even when I was single I never did the one night stand thing. Maybe he can, but likely if the affair was more than a couple of times there were emotions involved.
Finally, this comment struck me: "And it hurts far worse than that, that he's determined to split up our family and hurt our children over this." This is his second go around. The real question is why aren't you entertaining thoughts of splitting up the family over this? Unless he were to come back contrite, repentant and willing to agree to any and all of your terms, this is really the path you should be contemplating.
