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I agree STBXH is still baking, still has a ways to go. His crisis, his timeline. I do hope he finds his way.
Originally Posted by MA1970
We met the other week & he was crying saying he feels he has nothing to show for the past 27 years and that he's stepped back in time (he's living in a studio flat, unfurnished, sleeping on a mattress). When we met, his circumstances were similar.
It is amazing how they recreate their past, how they time travel. Needing to grow up from back when they were emotionally stunted.
My XW did the same thing as from when she was 18 - recreating her exodus from her parents. Even forgetting her purse - again. Running off with her boyfriend, living that sought freedom of a teenager. Pretty wild stuff. Of course, the original time, decades ago, I was the boyfriend.
Congratulations on the weight loss. And for keeping it off. My divorce diet had me traumatically shed a bunch of pounds from my pre-BD of 225lbs down to 170lbs ish. I bounced back up to 190, and have managed to remain mostly around there. My hair is not bouncing back. lol.
Let go the rope, or be dragged. Yes, that is a difficult lesson. Applicable to plenty beyond our situations here.
Originally Posted by MA1970
It's a funny thing because a year ago, all I wanted was for him to be as he is now. I actually think I would prefer him to still be with AP because I'd know he was OK. I hate to see him suffering…
Originally Posted by MA1970
I'm on speaking terms with STBXH & we've met, discussed what happened and I've shared a few truth bombs. I've not shared anywhere near the amount of hurt he has caused because I don't think he could take it. He's so ashamed at what he's done.
Absolutely, he could not take it.
I understand you almost preferring he was still with AP.
Some advice, well reiterating some previous advice (which I believe you are doing): Let him walk his path. Do not manipulate his path or journey. STBXH needs to feel his pains, needs to find his way. Anything you do in attempt to speed or steer would be at best - neutral, more likely will stall him, and at worst derail him.
Also, manipulation burdens, unwittingly burdens, one with responsibility of outcome. You definitely do not want his progress/outcome upon your shoulders.
Perfectly fine to be on speaking terms with him. Even supportive and encouraging, kind and cordial. You can see how broken he is.
You didn’t break him, therefore you cannot fix him.
Wonderful hearing from you. Hoping you have a great weekend.
