Unless it involves the care of your son, 95% of your responses can be fulfilled with no response, yes, no, let me think about it. I believe you think the perfect response will get you out of your current state which it will not.
I’ve seen you often post “she said thank you for all your doing for our son and family”. I think it’s about time for you to start reading through the lines Rock and understand what it really means. Kind18 is really good at it.
Rock, you've been here since September. By time I was 3 months into my situation I was DBing 90%+ of the time really well. I have a suggestion. When you get back from the mountains, busy out DB/DR again and read it cover to cover.
I found reading one of them about once a month invaluable.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Honestly, that was awesome to read! Keep that focus elsewhere. Remember, if this helps, as long as the focus isn’t on her you can’t say or do anything to hurt your chances of reconciling. Best of all, after some time passes, your wife will wonder why the focus hasn’t been on her.
Keep the number of conversations and the time of them to a bare minimum. No chit chat, get to business and than get off the phone. If it’s not an immediate emergency than don’t be immediately available!
I understand how hard this is. I remember vividly how I felt. I also know the other side. Not the divorced moved on side, but the side that knows I was going to make it regardless the whole time. The side that just gave in and realized before I was in any other relationship, my marriage or a new one, I needed to be in relationship with myself. GAL, whatever that means for you. Make a new friend or two. Reach out to an old friend or two. You are more than a parent, so when you GAL include non family members. Set good healthy boundaries, and most of all, worry about what you can control and don’t stress about what you can’t. You can not control what your spouse thinks, says, feels, or wants in any moment. You can control how you react, or more often than not, not react to her or life in general.
There is the other side of this, whatever that looks like. Even if you remain married and you live happily ever after, it won’t be the “same” marriage with the “same” people if that makes sense. And since you can only control what you do, right now becoming the best you, you can be is priority number one.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
Yep, it’s a conscious purposeful effort. And not intuitive for most folks. In time, it does become more second nature.
Purposeful control of that which you can control will influence and build these instinctive responses. You won’t abolish your caring and compassionate demeanour, more refine it.
Quite the journey isn’t it?
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
