Thank you for your question. It makes me feel insane because it's a constant back and forth, he will be sweet and then awful. I feel like I have whiplash from it. I don't even know what to believe anymore.
Are you sure that's it?
It seems to me that there may be more.
What are your core values? Are you compromising any of your values by sleeping with a man who tells you you are being used as a placeholder until something better comes along?
Are you compromising any of your values by sleeping with a husband who is being unfaithful?
Don't ride the rollercoaster with him. He didn't buy you a ticket.
Last edited by bttrfly; 02/23/2301:38 AM.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Honestly I'm so lost and depressed and anxious that I just obsess and hurt most of the day. I barely know what I'm doing anymore. Everything is confusing and overwhelming and painful. I am going to work harder at getting back to me. I'm going out the next three nights. I'm going to get a couple of tattoos that I've been wanting. You are right.
H 41 W 36 D16 S15--my stepchildren D11--biological M 6, T 13 Bomb/EA 1/19/23 Separated but living together
Hi Rejoice. I'm sorry you're going through this. It might be hard to fathom of it right now, when you are in the thick of your pain, but it will get better. I feel so much calmer and stabler now than I did three months ago. I second bttrfly's advice. Tattoos are permanent. Unless you are willing to spend more money on removal in the future (and I hear it's a painful process). Nothing against tattoos, of course, and I completely understand the desire to just do something. It's just that you're currently in a very emotional state and it's best to not make any big changes until you gain your bearings.
Rejoice, Id like to express my compassion and care for what you are going though and to acknowledge your pain and confusion. You will be ok. Right now it’s important to take things one step at a time even minute by minute sometimes. Breathe, reach out for support from loving safe strong people who care and don’t judge. Keep posting here. Rock
The guys have weighed in with some great advice, maybe it's time for a woman's perspective perhaps?
Originally Posted by Rejoice
But it is so, so hard to see him all the time. Additionally, he still sleeps in the bed with me every night and is very much interested in being intimate up to three times a day. Our sex life has never been better but he tells me he's just using me until he's ready to move on. Having read the book, believing nothing that he says and only half of what he does, I don't respond to this and just focus on the fact that while he's saying such a vile thing, he's also kissing me. But it makes me feel insane.
Ok, let's start right here. Why does it make you feel insane?
You can't use logic to figure out his motives and actions. One of the biggest issues in my marriage was sex. W had/has a low sex drive. However, the last couple of months before BD she was actually initiating sex more than usual. Who knows how their minds are working. Maybe it was guilt on her part. Don't know. One thing is for sure- he is currently not the man you have always known and you will not logic your way out of this. Trust me, I've tried. Sometimes I forget and still try. Doesn't work.
Mike, I'm sorry that was your experience.
My question for Rejoice still stands..
I want to know why the actions she described make her feel insane.
That's an important question for her to answer for me to try to help her here.
I understand bttrfly. I guess I was trying to help her not feel insane. None of this makes sense to the logical part of our brain. It’s probably impossible yo understand the motivation of our WAS’s.
