She may be temp checking, she may have had an argument with the OM and used you to feel better, she may feel guilty missing the birthday. It really could be anything, but it’s not her wanting to return to fix anything.
Maybe it’s time you sit down with your kids and ask if they’d like to see a therapist. I think you’ve been there for them more than most, but regardless of their needs, they are adults, you won’t be around forever, and they need to learn to have a relationship with their mother that’s separate from you. That’s just general advice from all the posts not just this one.
Honestly Rock, I don’t know you obviously, but you just seem like a shell of a person. Like the very definition of trudging through this.
I do believe in fixing marriages and I believe marriages can even come back from affairs.
I really believe in your case your only chance with your wife is to make her your ex. Grab this situation by the short and curly’s and, divorce her, become the best version of you and see if that catches her attention.
Even if you don’t wanna file, you are stuck and really don’t see it and that needs to change for you to have a chance.
Do you happen to live in the mid Atlantic region of the USA? I feel like you need a weekend with me lol.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
Not close to the mid Atlantic but there is such a thing as air travel nowadays!
“ Maybe it’s time you sit down with your kids and ask if they’d like to see a therapist. I think you’ve been there for them more than most, but regardless of their needs, they are adults, you won’t be around forever, and they need to learn to have a relationship with their mother that’s separate from you.”
I have been having this conversation with them including yesterday afternoon with youngest D. She has started IC now and also last night D went and had dinner with a close friend (a solid kind strong married woman mentor) and she told me they talked a lot.
I am at the place to make changes and become unstuck. Im not ready to file today but that could change. I’m not a robot.
I need to live like I am single. Single and not dating. And the best version of me. It’s not built in a day but rather consistent effort in clear direction.
What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but have had some reservations about it? Me it’s sky diving. I wanna go so bad but I can’t wrap my head around jumping out of perfectly good plane. Scares the hell-o out of me. Lol. I’ll tell you what, if I went it would grab a whole lot of attention from people that know me though. And for someone who really knows me very well may wonder if I’m about to die because I finally did it. Lol. It would be so out of character…but if I was divorce busting, that would be something I would do.
My ex never allowed me to get a bike. Always talked about how dangerous it was. How I was stupid for riding one when I was a teenager (I don’t disagree there and it’s a flat out act of god that I’m alive)….so when I got one, it caught her attention and she knew I was moving on and boy she scratched and clawed when that happened. You know a few weeks ago she told me she thought I was having a mid life crisis when I got one. Yep at 37 after everything I was going through it must have been a mid life crisis. But that wasn’t the point. I did something for myself that was out of character that I loved and it got her attention so much so she explained it away as if I was in crisis.
I think it’s against forum rules for me to give out to much about myself or where I am, but I’m about an hour away from the liberty bell around a lot of people who think horse and buggies are the best way to travel. If you ever find yourself in this area let me know. Lol
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
My ex never allowed me to get a bike. Always talked about how dangerous it was. How I was stupid for riding one when I was a teenager (I don’t disagree there and it’s a flat out act of god that I’m alive)….so when I got one, it caught her attention and she knew I was moving on and boy she scratched and clawed when that happened. You know a few weeks ago she told me she thought I was having a mid life crisis when I got one. Yep at 37 after everything I was going through it must have been a mid life crisis. But that wasn’t the point. I did something for myself that was out of character that I loved and it got her attention so much so she explained it away as if I was in crisis.
Oh this is great. Makes my head spin. In my dreams I’d book a trip just for myself, to someplace I’ve long wanted to go to but she doesn’t, and say, “Remember how I’ve always said I wanted to go to XXXX? Well, my flight’s booked, I’m leaving on [date]. See ya!”
Not the most practical thing right now, but I’m definitely going to think about other desires along these lines.
Originally Posted by JosephS
I think it’s against forum rules for me to give out to much about myself or where I am, but I’m about an hour away from the liberty bell around a lot of people who think horse and buggies are the best way to travel. If you ever find yourself in this area let me know. Lol
One of my favorite areas to visit. This was on our short list of possible retirement locations in better times.
Me 59 W 47 T 26 M 23 S18, S14 BD May 2023 D filed June 2023 OM1 confirmed: December 2023 OM2 confirmed: October 2023
Get a motorbike Go on a wilderness off grid trip Start a band
Dancing has been an example so far in this category. Was never a dancer and found it intimidating but now I’m going for it and enjoying it. Getting positive feedback on my progress.
