Thanks for weighing in, Sandy. We actually work for the same large company, and although I don't usually see H, I often see people he works with. I'm in good shape (back to my weight when we were married), but I do need the exercise for stress relief. I was walking with the kids every night until the time change last weekend, and now that it's too dark I guess I need to start exercising after they go to bed.
My personal goals are more about attitude. I come from a family of yellers, and I realized that I was doing too much of that myself. So I'm working on controlling how I react to being angry, and so far I've made great strides (at least according to D). I want to be more fully engaged with my kids, despite the additional housework/chores that come from being the only adult in the house. I've also reached out to friends I haven't seen in a long time. I'm still thinking about what else I need/want to do.
As for the silly - in college I ate way too much sugar and didn't get enough sleep, and I found the funny in everything. I was always giggly and always had a great time. Although too much sugar and not enough sleep now make me grumpy, I'm working on finding the joy in everyday things and in taking the little moments to tickle a baby or dance wildly around the room with a sock on my head (D's idea, but it was actually fun).
My personal goals are more about attitude. I come from a family of yellers, and I realized that I was doing too much of that myself. So I'm working on controlling how I react to being angry
I can identify with that. However, my H admires women who show poise and grace when confronted with adverse situations. So, I was digging myself into a hole whenever I blew up. I got a lot farther when I acted more lady-like.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My personal goals are more about attitude. I come from a family of yellers, and I realized that I was doing too much of that myself. So I'm working on controlling how I react to being angry, and so far I've made great strides
this is me as well. I 'used' to yell about everything because that's the way I was taught, I've realized now that it damaged some of the communication with my husband and I'm working really hard on that as well.. Good for you for recognizing this and trying to control it.. great strides indeed
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
Is there OW involved? It sounds like he may be having an A.
You are doing a good job, Cajun.
I don't believe he is having an affair. The last time he was unhappy and wanted to leave I am 100% positive that there was no one else, so he does have a pattern of this. He's living in an apartment not far from my house. This is a small town - I would have been told by now if he'd been seen out and about with another woman. We work for the same company, and I am friends with people who work in his group - they haven't seen anything suspicious.
D4 and I made muffins last night and she asked if we could bring some to daddy. So we dropped some off at his apartment this morning before he got home from work with a note that D had made them and that I hoped his transition to night shift went okay. He likes little thoughtful gifts, but I hope it doesn't come across as pursuing - I really don't care if he acknowledges them or not. This morning I'm more angry at him - I like angry better than depressed, and it gives me more of a chance to work on the not reacting badly part of my personal growth.
Set your goals and have a plan. Conduct your actions based on your plan. I know we women base most everything on our feelings, but we can't always rely upon them. You will be faced with many different emotions before this is over. Don't let your emotions dictate your life. Do what you know is right.
Enjoy that little girl! I know you must be thankful to have her in your life.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
One thing I'd like you to try....be a little less available for a conversation in the next few days, without giving a reason. Let him wonder. See if he gets curious.
This....
Done be quick to pick up the phone when H calls. When you do finally answer a hour or two later, tell him You were busy doing "X". Then see what he wants. Do stay on the phone long, and try to end the conversation and end the call first.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
Done be quick to pick up the phone when H calls. When you do finally answer a hour or two later, tell him You were busy doing "X". Then see what he wants. Do stay on the phone long, and try to end the conversation and end the call first.
We made a deal when H moved out that we would always answer the phone when the other called, in case it was something that involved the children. I have ended every one of our phone conversations first - usually he pauses for a long time and I just say goodbye. In two of the last three phone calls I said goodbye, he said wait and either told me a story about the kids or told me his schedule (which could have been done in email) and then paused and I said goodbye again and hung up.
