How Long Does it Take to Recover From An Affair? [Video]

Today’s video topic is “How Long Does it Take to Recover From An Affair?”

In my practice, couples come to me all the time, frustrated that they haven’t yet gotten past their spouse’s act of infidelity, even if the incident is only a couple of months old.  Recovering from an affair takes time.  Unfortunately, there are no short cuts or magic cures.  By knowing this you can brace for the rocky road ahead and buckle down for the long term.

In the video below, I offer my full advice on how long it should take to recover from infidelity, as well as what you should expect along the way.

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Full Video Transcript:

Hi this is Michele Weiner-Davis, founder of

Today’s question that was posed to me, “Michele, how long does it take to heal from infidelity?”

I just had a couple in my office the other day and they had just discovered the infidelity a month before and they were still really hurting. They were thinking, “it’s been a month, we should be over this already.”

And I want to say, “Hello! A month is hot off the press.” Even when couples come in and it’s been a year after they’ve discovered the infidelity, I say pretty much the same thing. It takes a long time to heal from infidelity.

The initial crisis period can be over within the first few months if couples are dealing with it in a healthy sort of way. But it takes at least two years to feel like you’ve got your rhythm back and that you’re back on track. When it comes to infidelity you never forget, it never goes away completely. It’s just that the good times get bigger, and they last longer, and the memories don’t quite sting so much.

But if you’re someone who’s having a really hard time, and it’s within the first year, please don’t judge yourself. Not only are you dealing with the pain of the infidelity, on top of that, you’re thinking to yourself that you should be beyond this. You shouldn’t be beyond this. Infidelity really gets at the core of the foundation of the relationship. It simply takes time to heal.

You probably need some professional help, but in the meantime you have to be patient because healing takes time.

About mwd27

Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW is an internationally renowned relationship expert, best-selling author, marriage therapist, and professional speaker who specializes in helping people change their lives and improve important relationships. Among the first in her field to courageously speak out about the pitfalls of unnecessary divorce, Michele has been active in spearheading the now popular movement urging couples to make their marriages work and keep their families together. She is the author of seven books including her best-selling books, DIVORCE BUSTING: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again, and THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido. Michele's work has been featured in major newspapers such as the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Wall Street Journal, and magazines such as Time, Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, Essence, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Woman's Day, Men's Health, New Woman, and McCall's. Michele is a marriage expert on Redbook's advisory board, and She has made countless media appearances on shows such as Oprah, 48 Hours, 20/20, The Today Show, CBS This Morning, CBS Evening News, CNN, and Bill O'Reilly. Michele's Keeping Love Alive program aired on PBS stations nationwide. She recently completed a reality based show for the BBC about helping couples save their marriages. Michele maintains that her true expertise in helping couples have great relationships is derived from first-hand experience. She and her husband have been married for more than thirty years.
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