Jeff... Well, I'm glad you still have a sense of humour.
How do I know I am done? Let me use an example. I took S9 to his baseball game yesterday. My W came to watch. I was upbeat but W had little to say and no eye contact. She did sit near me but she spent her time talking to others which is rude to say the least.
Okay, I must be missing something here. Why is talking to others rude? Would you not be talking to others if they were sitting near you and you were trying to be friendly? Why do you let that get to you? She is feeling uncomfortable with the tension between you and is trying to get through the game and wants you to think she is happy. In fact, you could have joined in on the conversation. You need to continue to focus on being happy yourself. It is hard, I know Jeff, but you need to focus on YOU.
Even if your W doesn make eye contact or had little to say, what is stopping you from making conversation and just appearing to be fine with the way things are going for you (even if it may not necessarily be the case right now). If she realizes that you are not happy, she knows she still has control of you. Are you really detached, Jeff? Think about it, really.
Okay, let me know when your S9's next game is and maybe I'll come down to watch his game. We'll talk the whole time while your W sits there seathing. I bet she'll start showing more interest in you then. Trust me Jeff, if your W realizes that she is getting closer to losing you, she will have to deal with her issues sooner rather than later.
If you truly feel that pushing for a D is the right thing for you, only you know that. I will continue to support you as you have been here to support me and others going through this crap.
As for the interaction with your D6 and your W, your D6 will remember what your W did and she will eventually say something. It is really sad that your W doesn't realize how she is hurting the kids and the relationship she will have with them when they get older. I agree with FIB, never hurt the heart of a child even if it means you may have to do something you don't necessarily want to. Shame on your W.
Spring....maybe this truly is the season of new found hope for us LBS and perhaps our WAS really are doing us a big favour. Only time will tell.