From johnnyrein


If I don't change she'll most certainly leave. If I do change she says it's not going to matter or she'll become angry at the changes saying there for the wrong reasons and not sincere. I know the changes have to be for myself and they truly are

The main principle behind DBing is to work on yourself and cause a different reaction - not the same old. Your W may say these things now and she may believe them but when you change your behavior and outlook then she will be forced to react differently-- thats the key.

I heard the same thing and am starting to see some baby steps--- she was totally emersed in the negative about our R when I started DBing---- Through the techniques I'm changing the way we react. You can change the way she reacts by what you do and say. Remember that she is now only seeing you through tainted glasses - she has a negative spin even on the good stuff right now. You need to be patient and employ the techniques and be vigilant. You can get her to drop the wall around her she has built and see you differently- like the person she married.
It really is tough and patience is not even the right term- thats an understatement. Time and work are what can repair what took time and neglect to destroy. Be strong and keep posting and reading.

Does your C believe in DBing and Michele's work? Could help if the C was on the same page and you both were working together.
You don't and shouldn't be reading her mind- you can't change that--- you should only be working on your mind and you in general- that you control totally.

This stuff really works and i'm thankful i've found it -- at worst you come out a much better person and with work your W back.

Just my opinion here- keep it up and good luck.



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