I am going to ask you to do something hard here, but just give it a try. Step back from your situation a bit and think about yourself. When you get angry are you always clear headed about what you want, mean, or say? Have you ever said things in anger that were not true?
We have a saying around here, "Believe nothing they say and only half of what you see". It's very true. They will speak in absolute negatives about everything.
Good DBing is sometimes doing NOTHING. You need to back off, give her space, then work on yourself. I know you keep hearing this, but it is what you need to do. While you "back off" from her, take time to clear your own head. Do things you enjoy doing. Find peace with the whole situation. It's very difficult to do this in this kind of horrible situation, but it is what you NEED to do.
WillWin says DBing is about getting yourself back. He is right. Getting yourself back will allow you to deal with this situation at your very best, not your worst. There are no guarantees in what will happen, but since you will always have you, then you may as well start there.
DBing is a process. It requires patience, understanding and discipline (to name a few). If you are a "wreck", you won't have any of those qualities. Please take time to work thing out for yourself. It's the first and most important step in the process.
Read about Divorce Busting« Telephone Coaching here!