From gbon


Sit back, take a deep breath, and relax.

Time, unfortunately, is something that you need to learn to deal with right now. Your W has not been gone long enough for significant change to take place with either of you. You need to work on yourself right now. You can't control your W or her actions, if you try to control her you will only be pushing her further away and possibly closer to the OM if there is one.

Be patient. Use the time wisely. Don't initiate contact with her. Right now you are your worst enemy. Control your emotions, especially the anger, and never say anything to hurt her. Right now, anything and everything you say and do will be remembered down the road. Think of your long term goal: to get your wife back.

The 180's that you must do involve paying close attention to your wife's words and actions. If something you do pisses her off or pushes her away, simply stop doing it. Yes, you will make mistakes along the way and backslide on occasion. Don't sweat it, just pick yourself up and continue DBing. Nobody ever said that this was easy, so you must work hard at it.

The feelings and emotions that you are going through right now are natural and will be helpful once you learn to control them.

I don't think it's time for LRT yet. But, you should not initiate contact with her. She is looking for time and space, you must respect that and give it to her. There will be times when she might try pressing your buttons as well, just something you need to be aware of. She will do it to try and validate what she is doing. She will look for and expect a reactive response. Don't let her suck you into that trap. Remain calm and let any crap she gives you slide off your back. The response I like to give goes something like this: "I understand that that's how you feel honey". And leave it at that.

I wish you the best of luck. We are here for you when you need help.

Take care.



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