Okay here is some of what I learned and I hope it helps others:
1. Quiet, persistent, nondemanding loving by someone who loves himself or herself is almost impossible to resist.
2. Be aware of your own thoughts and visualizations as they can determine the course of your life. What we tell ourselves can affect the outcome of our interactions with others.
3. We all know that threats, begging, convincing chase a S away and are counterproductive for anyone seriously interested in salvaging a R.
4. To love is to pay heed to the needs of the person you love. When you resort to begging, convincing etc. you are only focusing on yourself.
5. When you feel overwhelmed by your own feelings and want to vent at your S regardless of the consequences ask yourself if what you are about to say is an expression of love or a need.
6. The anger that you feel at having been left by your S if not really about your S but rather has to do with you.
7. Remember the pleasant moments from your M. Opportunities to create more of these moments strenghten your R.
8. It is important to turn all encounters with your S into pleasant encounters even if the purpose of the encounter is unpleasant.
9. You cannot argue your lover back to you. Renewing your R with your S has little to do with being right and everything to do with mutual experience of pleasant or positive moments.
10. We can only control ourselves and our own actions.
11. Cursing, name calling, pouting, begging, accusing or demanding does not get your S back. Communication should be based on the awareness that your S has a point of view and then empathize with their point of view.
12. Relax and take care of yourself. Do not neglect friends, interests, excercise etc.
Read about Divorce Busting« Telephone Coaching here!