From Midnight Lace1

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There is hope at the end of the rollercoaster ride we are on. It is just going to take a while. You asked when is it going to end. Well know one knows that one for sure. It probably took a while to get to this point. And it will take a while to get back on track.

But as far as any tricks etc. Yes the trick is to do things for your self right now. Yes my H is still in the home. The only diffrence is that it never got to the point of I dont love you any more or the D talk.

But he was still distant and would pull away from me etc. I felt when we made love it seemed like he was just filling a need not really meaning it.

But things are starting to change and i thank god every day that they are. I focus on the small positives. And am learning to let the big negitives slide a little more easily.

The best thing for you to do. Is think about you for real. Not the day to day things you do. But the person that you have really become. Because even tho we didnt turn around and break the trust of our H/W. We still contributed to some degree what is going on.

Things I found out about my self when I really looked at my self.

1) I have become negitive.(changing that.)
2) I became subserviant to him not an equal to him. (changing that.)
3) I stoped thinking about my self. (changing that.)
4) I had become depressed. (trying to get help for that.)
5) Stoped listening. (working on that)
6) Became defensive. (changing that.)

See there were a couple things that he could see that I had changed about my self. But until I really looked at it all i saw is i am trying to do things to make you happy.
Well they werent making him happy. Who wants to be around a person like that. Around my friends I was the postive,up beat,giving, caring,funny person that he married.

Not this other person I had become at home.
And he would try to point these things out to me and I didnt understand or see what he was talking about till i really started to look at the things I was doing.

And the key is I didnt want to change these things for him. I wanted to change them for me and my chilren. Not to please him any more. To make a better life for my self.

Start doing things for you. Become stronger inside. Start a making goals for your self. I dont mean well today i am going to get the laundry done. I am going to make the kids beds. I am going to dust today. Not those kind of goals. Goals for your self.

Like today I am to spend some time reading that book I want to get finished.
Today when he does blank i am not going to react to him in this way.
Or when i feel like i need a hug today. I am going to go out and play with the dog. Or I am going to go for a walk.
Or I am going to hug the kids instead.
Or today I am going to dye my hair the color I want so that I can feel better about the way I look.

Those kind of things get to know your self. Do things for yourself. Yea there are still times like right now while i am posting here. The OS. just called for stuff for his work. But actually I am doing okay with it. When she called she treated me with respect and stuck to the business at hand. I went in told him about the phone call. And he asked if i was okay. Cause he knows how much it upsets me when she calls. And he was thinking about me. She was told not to call here ever gain no matter what was going on. But she refuses. But if i stay confident about our relationship. And that things are going good and i dont let her get to me she doesnt win. Cause she does it to test the waters on how things are going with me and him. Well if i act all paniced and pissed off and yell at him about it. Then she wins.

So stay strong and know that there is an end to this..


JJ

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