I don't know why I'm even posting....just getting tired of feeling alone I suppose.

Things just don't seem right around here...well "right" I guess is debatable...if right is h never around unless he's asleep well then things are right...I'm left wondering why I wanted him back..did I really thing anything would be different? in fact it almost seems that things are worse now.

it's been a while and most wont remember me so...

me w 32
h 35
s 6
dd 3
m 7years

nov 2001 h "caught" taking ow to a cancer treatment moves out for 1 week but claims "just friends"

things get better..h is suddenly the man I always wanted him to be attentive, awake, affectionate etc but I'm bitter, confused and angry about ow

march 2002 h moves out doesn't want to be my h anymore

june 2002 h says "yes I want d love you not inlove with you"

Aug 2002 OW asks her h for d, my h admits to having feelings for her

Sept 2002 h makes mention of our 5year aniversary just to aknowledge it

early oct 2002 h talks of being confused and maybe wanting to come home

May 2003 h gets rid of apartment but not before I find love letters, pictures, cards jewelry etc from ow at his office

so it's been about 3 years...I'll admit I wasn't happy before h left...was confused while he was gone..felt like I should have been the one having an affair after all I was left alone all the time was rejected physically by him etc. I've done my best to let everything go and just be happy with who he is but the trouble is I don't know who he is other than the guy who goes to work and then comes home and goes to sleep.

I've asked for date nights and gotten no where with it...I've gotten my own life..started a book club, a moms night out club, joined the local volunteer ambulance co so I'm pretty busy...does it get his attention? nope!

I'm lost.

LL