I don't know why, but it seems when you read the book you want to immediately leap to the LRT. Desparation I suppose. But in so many sitches, LRT is more of the same. LRT is the epitome of ignoring you spouse,

Is it?...certainly not my undersatnding of LRT.
I dont see "ignore your spouse" wriiten about in the context of LRT in DB.

and if you haven't dealt with the issues that brought you to this point, haven't really considered how you could be better and made yourself such, LRT is just more same-old.

Well it's probably a bit to late by this time and will require more than change alone..More than likely they have reached this point after a number of years(maybe a little sooner in some cases) of being neglected or let down or "things not working" or whatever the issues happens to be. During an LRT or separation(in house or out of house) the changes required of you should be undertaken.

Sometimes the true "something different" is to actually talk to your spouse, and if you had done that even the week before you showed up here, or the week before the 'bomb', then you might not be here.

Well perhaps but the emotional divorce occurs before the words or "the bomb") are spoken.Talking is fine but getting on your spouses case as in "OR talk" usually is'nt.You can try but you need to be careful and ready to back off. Most talk about "us" under these circumstances is unwelcome the majority of the time.

Now, I don't mean begging and pleading. I mean talking. Sharing. Being friendly. Finding out likes and dislikes. Non judgemental. Non controlling. Just talk, as you would to a newly met aquaintance.

Yes provided they are receptive to this approach(and often they are if it is the first time you are actually listening to them,validating and honoring them as a person,with their OWN thoughts feelings and opinions. It must be genuine though,not a ploy.(they could still be mistrustful of your motives even if you are genuine). If it seen that way you run the risk of further damage.Be prepared to back off quick if it looks like fouling up,if you are not handling it well.(and most dont at first.)

Royce(MICK) [Smile]

[ May 23, 2002, 11:10 PM: Message edited by: Mick ]