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Here's what I would call a FRT (First Resort Technique) - Have you ever said something? At all? Even a little??It sounds like DB Blasphmay doesn't it? But I find so many people don't tell anyone there's something wrong in the first place.

Presentation is everything. If you come off offensive or defensive then you're gonna get a negative response. But if you're honest and use manners, you may be surprised what you may get back. Nervous is ok too as long as you don't attack like a little fluffy dog.

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Now, I don't mean begging and pleading. I mean talking. Sharing. Being friendly. Finding out likes and dislikes. Non judgemental. Non controlling. Just talk, as you would to a newly met aquaintance.

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My 2 cents. Agree wholeheartedly that when we can communicate, seek to understand and validate the WAS's feelings (not judge them) AND, can avoid justifying and defending our past actions or behaviors, we can make a little headway with our spouses. Maybe enough headway to speed up the healing process such that we never get to a LRT.

Ok, out of change, bye

[ May 23, 2002, 05:37 PM: Message edited by: Committed2Him ]