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quote:Originally posted by Michele: GD1, You certainly have been through a lot and I completely understand why you're feeling what you're feeling. Whether you would agree to have a marriage of convenience is not really the point in my opinion. You can do it or not do it. Both options are fine. But here's what I think.
One of the things that has become crystal clear from the posts on this board is that doing a 180 or the last resort isn't really about a strategic technique, it's about letting go. Lots of people have commented that unless you truly let go and you exude this belief from every pore of your being, it probably won't have any effect. Your spouse has to sense that you have moved on with your life and that being together isn't your agenda anymore. that's not to say you wouldn't be willing to do it, it's just that your spouse must not sense that you are still hoping, praying, thinking about him much of the time.
I know it's easy for me to say and probably nearly impossible for me to do if I had to, but I can tell from your writing, which is very succinct, BTW, that you are and always have been incredibly focused on your marriage. When things go well in love, GD does fine. When things don't, your life isn't quite right. I understand how you feel, but your husband probably does too. He knows that no matter what happens, you'll be there.
I'm not suggesting that you file for divorce, stop speaking to him or doing some extreme version of going dark, all I'm saying is that you have to do some soul searching about what YOU'D have to do differently for him to sense that you're completely fine without him. Maybe you think you've been there already, I don't know. But from what you write, it seems that your primary project has been your marriage...always.
So, think about it. Can you think of what you could do differently to really, really let go? (Not just a technique, remember, but a major transition in your inner self.)
Hang in there, Michele
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