I need to go back and catch up on all of the posts since Ginger's first one. But I tend to agree that rarely is the LBS completely innocent. Most marital problems, including infidelity, is a symptom of both spouses getting too comfortable, not trying, and letting the MR languish and/or take a backseat to other things in their lives.

However, being a less than perfect spouse in no way justifies walking away, cheating, breaking up the MR and the family, and divorcing. I tell LBSs here all the time as a reminder about the WAS being able to change their mind that they stood before God and witnesses and took vows of commitment and to work together to overcome problems to stay together! Death do us part, for better or worse, etc....or some variation thereof.

So for a WAS to say, "you aren't perfect so I am sleeping with someone else, leaving you, and breaking up our family" is counter to those vows...and NOT JUSTIFIABLE in any way.

But the LBS has to recognize their own shortcomings and work to improve themselves. Period. It may not save their MR, but it may save their next one! So sitting back, saying poor me what did I do to deserve this solves nothing!! Get working on yourself to become the best version of you that you can be. Once you've been through this, whether or not your MR survived, that should be one of the LBS' goals for the rest of their lives.

Ok, when I get time I will go back and read the rest of the responses.

M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018