Good Morning BL

Originally Posted by BL42
DnJ - I appreciate you taking the time to weigh in. I find myself reading your post several times, as it's a bit more philosophical/esoteric/conceptual than my left brain is used to, but definitely good concepts to learn more about. I am reading up on those areas I traditionally wasn't as into. I like your analogy on the car lines, can relate to the coffee maker example, and fully admit I need to focus more on the physical activity - maybe putting too many of my eggs in the kids and work basket and not enough on the raw physical. Thank you for your perspective!

Many of the answer you are seeking come from the philosophical realm. These answers are more resolution than solution. And they come from within you.

Originally Posted by BL42
I'm probably getting at a question which you (or anyone else) can't possibly answer, and recognize it's not "focusing on me and the kids", but if I'm being honest I do wonder what's going to happen with OM2 in the future...

I’ve found most obstacles are overcome not by brute head on force. Rather a sideways gentle approach yields the answers/resolutions, although they are usually not what one expects.

There is an answer to this and it will be revealed in time. The unknown future will provide the answer.

However, that is not the real question, is it? From my experience you are still formulating your true question(s). One’s path takes time to walk. It takes time to discover what we are truly questioning and therefore answering/resolving.

I would highly suggest that you stop asking questions that have no answers.

I suggest you keep asking questions. Especially those that have no, or more accurately hidden answers. Questions lead to knowledge. It is the need for answers you must quash. Again, to be accurate it’s the “quickness” of answers that is best to quash. Patience is the key, not forgoing asking questions.

However, while in the thick of it, focusing on you and the kids is one strategy that lessens those consuming thoughts and questions. GAL, focusing, etc, are all valid and excellent choices within your control and needed to give one’s mind time and rest to find its balance.

It is perfectly normal to wonder and worry about XW and OM2 and your kids. You are doing fine swallowing your feelings and allowing son and daughter to talk about their time and life with mom and OM2. That is what you control. You and your actions and reactions. Continue to be the best Dad you will be.

(A bit more of that esoteric view you mentioned. smile Be the best you will be, not can be. Everyday I can be better. Upon my deathbed, with the final exhale of breath, that is when I am the best I can be. Until then, I can choose to strive to become that man. To walk towards that goal. To work toward being the best I will be.

It’s a different view. And viewpoint changes everything.)

Do be your kids’ rock. Their solid stable parent. Choose this! Realize, it’s a choice.

When we start out, I think we all feel as an imposter. The rug was pulled out from under us. Our spouse displays such arrogance and assuredness of their new life. It is difficult to not get caught up in their fantasy and mix that into our belief system. In time, we find our balance and truth, and properly organize our beliefs and convictions. It does takes some time and patience. And by the way, you really don’t want to rush that.

Ensure you and your kids’ lives are stable and great. That is within your realm. And you are rocking it!

Originally Posted by BL42
There's no doubt part of me still wants to see Karma to come around on ExW. Maybe that's not healthy, and it's probably not best for the kids, but I can't help feeling it at times. Hopefully it'll dissapate over time.

It’s perfectly natural to have those feelings.

…but I can't help feeling it at times.

If you can’t help it, who can? As in, no one else can it for you.

True, you cannot directly control those feelings. You can influence them.

Feelings are born from within. Like the answers (and still hidden questions) you seek, they are within you. Born from your subconscious they herald a path of growth you can choose to walk.

These situations are horrible. Divorce is horrible. And an excellent and golden opportunity for growth and incredible blessings. I suspect you’ll need to take that a bit on faith for the moment.

Those feelings can dissipate in time. Will dissipate depending upon what path(s) you choose.

Altering, strengthening, discarding certain beliefs we have is a choice. One can choose to live, to belief, in that which they aspire to. One pretty common value/belief is that of justice and vengeance. In my humble opinion most people would be served better if they altered their view of that. Again, viewpoint changes everything.

From your statement you recognize certain rational elements of the value of letting go of the need for karmic intervention - healthier, better for kids. “But”. What comes after “but” is justifying you hanging on to your beliefs and convictions. It’s not “can’t help feeling”, it’s “won’t help feeling”.

Can’t vs won’t. One of the biggest belief/convictions one needs to discard. You are captain of your ship. Everything within your control you can control. It’s a matter of choosing to.

Choose to follow the rational left brain reasoning. This influences feelings, which together with those rational ideals alters deeply held convictions. Beliefs, feelings, thoughts - imagine all those cars lined up on your highway. Imagination, the first step towards creation. The creation and eventual fruition of peace and contentment.

Originally Posted by BL42
So while the sitch has past the point of no return with my wife and I, I'm also wanting the family I can never have. If that makes sense?

Yes, makes sense.

The seeming paradox is due to your binary limiting of options. There are a great many more possibilities. However, this is normal while one lets go.

Originally Posted by BL42
I have gotten a lot more comfortable with the concept and practice of being a single father and have been crushing it taking the kids places and doing activities with them, so maybe I'll see this "new normal" as even better than a nuclear family in the future.

And this is what you can control.

Is the new normal better than the nuclear family? Let go the paradox, discover BL42, and find out. For it will be as best as you make it.


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.