Well here goes....

[97Hope]

97Hope- thank you!! I have no idea how I saw this response so fast tonight?? I’m so glad I did tho!!
Honestly, there’s no need to worry because honestly I sit and pray that I can fall in love again with my H one day if he comes back. I’m scared of that. Not in the beginning but as reality has peeked through I have realized how much farther away I really am. As excited as I thought I would be. I am excited for hope but I’m not depending on it either.

I'd like to see your main focus be your healing and growth. Why pray now for your feelings of love 'if' he comes back? Excitement for hope still rests in what HE does. That was my point. Your life needs to get to a point where what he does/does not do, does not captain your ship.

Timeline goes like this- I’m 3 years in and replay ended completely October 2020. This entire last year has been consistent contact but no affection, no false hope, and no R talk. He has been very kind the last year and more his old self. About 2 months ago he began referring to old life and new life. Then about 6 weeks ago he changed. Depression lifted, remorse set in, guilt lingered, and he started talking. Although, he has never told me he is coming back I feel like that is what he is trying to do.

Do you want him back? It's ok to want that. But you sound like you are watching him closely to determine how you feel and where to step next. It's a very difficult place to be in. I was there for 3 years, as well. What if he is doing all of those things (helping with house, reconciling with child, etc. just to make nice to get you on board for an easier divorce? Will you be ok with what you are doing now?

One night he texted me and said “I’ve tried to come back twice, I’m trying, I really am”. Then he began to parent again, helping with chores, returning to the community, speaking with old friends, and telling me he loves me in messages. He’s not pushy with it, he’s very reserved and cautious.

From experience, people don't 'try' to be/do anything that is a priority for them.
Think about it, look at how many WAS/WS on this board who blow up entire families, careers, friendships for an OW/OM. NOTHING gets in their way. There is no confusion, there is no "try", only do.

I don’t feel like what he is doing in this moment is for me. I think he is rebuilding himself right now. He’s not capable of being a good H right now but he is working on becoming a good person again I think. He’s consistent with it so far.

If he's in MLC then NOTHING he is doing is about you.

I still think your best bet right now is to focus more on your growth and healing. No matter what and for your own wellbeing. While it's great that he's being consistent, you need to be in a place where it doesn't matter either way.

Since October of 2020 he is on a steady upward path. It’s def not fast but it’s def nice to watch.

That's great news! But again, while you are focusing on his journey, where are you in yours?

Did you read the Lighthouse story?

Oh and HELL no I don’t believe a word of “never been anyone else”! He wouldn’t have left if there hadn’t been I don’t think and I don’t think he would have the remorse he does if there wasn’t.

There are a lot of stories about what true remorse looks like - remorse isn't crumbs. Now when he reveals all I would be more hopeful for you. In the past, you found evidence and he lied. He lied until he couldn't anymore.

Sounds like you have a serial cheater on your hands and that you are focusing on MLC and where he is at in the stages. I've been there. The most important thing is your healing.

Are you in IC?

Look, my user name is "hope" for a reason!! Sounds like you have been through a LOT. Three years is a loooong time. I am in your corner! I do believe you will heal and grow from this if you take your life and future in your own hands and not focus on what he's doing/where he is/where he is going. It's like having a foot in each canoe. Yours and his at the same time. I'd like to see you solidly in your own and allow him to go in his with peace in your heart.

Hugs x