97Hope- thank you!! I have no idea how I saw this response so fast tonight?? I’m so glad I did tho!!
Honestly, there’s no need to worry because honestly I sit and pray that I can fall in love again with my H one day if he comes back. I’m scared of that. Not in the beginning but as reality has peeked through I have realized how much farther away I really am. As excited as I thought I would be. I am excited for hope but I’m not depending on it either.
Timeline goes like this- I’m 3 years in and replay ended completely October 2020. This entire last year has been consistent contact but no affection, no false hope, and no R talk. He has been very kind the last year and more his old self. About 2 months ago he began referring to old life and new life. Then about 6 weeks ago he changed. Depression lifted, remorse set in, guilt lingered, and he started talking. Although, he has never told me he is coming back I feel like that is what he is trying to do. One night he texted me and said “I’ve tried to come back twice, I’m trying, I really am”. Then he began to parent again, helping with chores, returning to the community, speaking with old friends, and telling me he loves me in messages. He’s not pushy with it, he’s very reserved and cautious. I don’t feel like what he is doing in this moment is for me. I think he is rebuilding himself right now. He’s not capable of being a good H right now but he is working on becoming a good person again I think. He’s consistent with it so far. Since October of 2020 he is on a steady upward path. It’s def not fast but it’s def nice to watch. Oh and HELL no I don’t believe a word of “never been anyone else”! He wouldn’t have left if there hadn’t been I don’t think and I don’t think he would have the remorse he does if there wasn’t.