Originally Posted by Navarro
I have an update!! A really good one to! So on my last thread I mentioned that he was beginning to mention a few things about seeing his life as “old and new”. Well since then I believe he has came forward a bit.

If you are emotionally stable and able to cope with this, then let him come forward a bit. Read "The Lighthouse" in the newcomer post.

Originally Posted by Navarro
My H has always been a man of few words so when he spoke anything at all that means more then what I can express. I was very confused in my last post and honestly I was a little down to. The last 4 weeks has brought new energy and a new hope to my world. He began opening up a lot more, expressed there had been no “other person throughout our entire separation, and that he wasn’t well or he would have never left to begin with.

Believe none of what they say.

Originally Posted by Navarro
It was almost like a confession of sorts. Then reconnection with everything began!! He is showing affection towards me, he is becoming active in the community that he abandon so quickly in replay, he is speaking with influences and confidence, he’s quit drinking, and he told me……..He has tried to come home twice now!!! He has began to work on our place (something he hasn’t touched in 3 years, he is calling “my” house “our” home again, and I wake up every morning to I love you messages.

What is the timeline for these new changes? I would be VERY cautious. I've experienced this off and on for 3 years. It was my XH trying to nice his way to keeping up his appearance of being a good guy. If he continues these actions over a long period of time, that would be different, but still be cautious.

Originally Posted by Navarro
Bam just like that! He is allowing me to have a bit more influence in his life. We have 2 children and in the beginning he chose one to spew towards (the one more like me) and the other was his side kick that did not wrong. He’s working towards reconnecting more with them both now and mending the gap with the one he turned away from. Has anyone ever heard of them doing that, picking one to draw closer to in the crisis? Anyway, I know I’m a long way from the finish line but I feel a lot closer then I was yesterday.

I might seem cruel and I don't intend to be, but I want to caution you about feeling that you are close to any sort of finish line. The finish line is when you are ok no matter what. If you tie your "okay" to his actions, feelings, etc, then you are setting yourself up for failure, whether you R or not. You have to be ok no matter what.

My XH STILL tries to do all of those things and I have him blocked. He uses our kids and grandkids to attempt to gain access to me. He STILL calls his house "ours" and would ask me what kind of fruit trees "we" should buy if I still entertained it.

I'm concerned for how excited you are about this, because I know how hard that crash can be.

As much as I'd love to be happy for you, I want to encourage you to keep your expectations at a very very low - think ZERO - for the time being. Focus on yourself and let him do what he does. You are still on that rollercoaster.

ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.